A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

Moderator: volmod

Posts: 503
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Worried about my son...

Postby Veema » Tue May 23, 2017 11:17 pm

I just kept wiping his nose...it kept dripping...his lads held his hands...his sister and niece were stood at the foot of the bed...I just stroked his head and wiped his nose. The horror of the morning will always stay with me, but his death was as peaceful as it could be I suppose.

I found the counselling helped in that I could talk about him without fear of boring her...she was paid to listen...but then she also helped with some general behavioural issues...it was quite enlightening and I find it has helped a lot in the past few weeks for me to step back and analyse a situation before reacting...it helps me feel more in control and less likely to upset someone, or feel upset myself. I've got to remember that people aren't in my shoes...yes they know I'm bereaved, but it's not what they think about every single minute of the day and I can't expect them to behave differently because of my bereavement (this follows me telling one woman to eff off because she was moaning about her husband...at least she bloody well has one!)...it's also made me recognise unhealthy thought processes and strategies on how to cope with them. We also had a good chat about what next...and what happens if, in the future, I meet someone else...what happens when I then die...do I go to be with Nige or would I be with the new man in heaven (or whatever is next, if anything). All your marriage vows end when death does you part...

Anyway...boring stuff, but yes, I think it helped...I don't think I necessarily need further counselling and school would pay for more I think, it's just nice to be able to talk to someone.

Keep getting on getting on...


Posts: 473
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Worried about my son...

Postby Justamo » Wed May 24, 2017 10:19 pm

PW, Veema and Elaine, thank you for your brave posts.
You keep me very grounded. Perhaps not quite the right word, but I can't think of a better one.

My lovely cousin just touched on the D-word at the weekend. And she's a doctor ! She asked the palliative care doc what would happen, and he said, "You'll eat less and less, and drink less and less, and sleep more and more, and one day you won't wake up".

We all know it's not like that - although fortunately it was for both my parents - and I'm so sorry for all of you. It must be hellish but it can only get better. You remind me that I have to make the most of every day that Peter and I have. The trivial irritations are just that - trivial.

Bless you, you're in my thoughts all the time.
Best love