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My love 💔


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Yes Lewis was much the same about shopping unless it was CEX or cash converter he liked to go there to look for cameras or guitars.


I’m just over 4 months now had a few days where I didn’t feel so sad but last night it just hit me all over again I had a tummy ache and just wanted a cuddle, I cooked a small chicken crown because I fancied a roast then I just wrapped it up and put it in the fridge as I didn’t want it due to the tummy ache. I ordered a pizza late in the evening but just couldn’t shake the sad feeling.


It’s Lewis birthday next month the 18th may his mums birthday is the 14th I’ve ordered her a bracelet with his handwriting on saying love you mum using old Christmas cards for me and a list he wrote for Christmas a couple of years ago. I hope she likes it.


It doesn’t feel real either part of me is like why me it’s so unfair, I’ve had such bad luck with relationships and now Lewis dying is just too much I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve all of this.

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CJG4CJG

You didn’t do anything honey, with great love and loss comes great pain! I haven’t had bad luck with relationships, in fact I’ve never had any other than with my kid, my childhood heartthrob, husband, father to our children and yet it happened! It’s not fair and it’s not right, and it’s not ok! But all we can do is get up everyday, and keep getting up. I think your an amazing person, your Lewis was a very lucky man! Just keep going.....


I spent all afternoon tidying the kitchen, then went and had a beer with kid. I have a little ‘beer box’ as a headstone atm so I sit with him and watch the robins fly around and the cows in the field graze. My boy Max sad this evening, I hate that they have this pain and I can’t take it away! In fact I feel like screaming sometimes..... most of the time. Home is not home without him, and none of it makes sense. Just gotta keep getting up right? X

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