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Stephen's Story


Sandiemac
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Actually, Sandiemac, you could make it up if you were a scriptwriter for a very bad soap who has to leave some dramatic cliffhanger at the end of every episode.


Has he got adequate pain relief ? Poor Stephen, and poor you. Hugs from me and purrs from Boris.

Love, Mo

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Dear Sandie

Big commiserations on Stephen's poor humerus. I hope you get him home very soon and that the house rearrangements make life a bit easier for you both.

Love

W&M xx

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, it's got a lot worse. He was transferred from the "pending" ward to a "frail & elderly" ward, where he has been ever since (it will be 2 weeks on Friday). He has now developed pneumonia and the course of antibiotics ends tomorrow. The doc said she would have hoped to see more of an improvement than has been the case. He is now permanently on oxygen. Over the last 3 days there has been a really noticeable downturn and by today he hardly opened his eyes, hardly spoke and barely seemed to know I was there. Everyone gave up days ago trying to get him to eat and he had the occasional Ensure. Even that has almost stopped.


They are saying we may be down to days rather than weeks. We know the antibiotics will stop tomorrow and it's then a case of what happens next. If he really is very near the end there seems very little point in trying to move him to a hospice or have hospice at home. However, I know that he would prefer to be at home because we have discussed it.


Thank goodness I rang my son in Portugal and said don't wait until the 12th (when he was due after our holiday) and he came the next day. He has been a tower of strength. My other son is at the end of a phone and will drop everything if necessary.


I know you know how I feel - we all knew it would come to this but it doesn't make it any easier. The only ray of light is that he will be spared further pain further down the line if the pneumonia hadn't happened.

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Hello Sandie


I'm so so sorry to hear the latest on Stephen. Thank goodness you are not alone, my son was invaluable when we were at the same stage. My husband passed at hospital and I'm glad he did in the end, there was no point moving him as it all went downhill so quickly. Is Stephen on fluids or have they stopped that too?


Yes, we know how you feel and that's why we are here for you whenever you need us.


When it's Stephen's time, whenever that may be, I hope and pray it will be peaceful and that there be no more suffering.


Big hugs

PW xx

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Sandie I am so sorry. It does sound as if he is near the end. I well remember those days when they gradually stop eating even the ensures. Can your other son come soon? I will be thinking of you so much in the coming days xx

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Sandie, So sorry to hear Stephen is so poorly, you know we are all here for you and understand just what you are going through, not that that makes it any easier.

I am glad your son is able to be with you, you could do it alone, but its just so much easier when they are there with you.

I am sure Stephen does know you are there, he will sense you are there, just be there there is nothing else we can do. I hope he just goes to sleep with you holding his hand which is what happened to Trevor. sending you love and strength sandrax xx

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Oh Sandie, so sorry to read this.


I'd leave him where he is...he probably won't be very aware of his surroundings anyway and it's better for you in the long run. He sounds much like my Dad was at the end (he died 2 weeks ago if liver cancer).


Sending you huge virtual hugs...and hoping Stephen is comfortable and his remaining time is peaceful.


Much love and strength.


Vx

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PCUK Nurse Jeni

Dear Sandie,


So sorry to hear about how unwell Stephen is.

You have been such a support to him and to others on this forum.


As others have said, just being there for him now is the important thing.


Veema, so sorry to hear about your dad also. We are sending our condolences to you and the family.


Jeni.

Jeni Jones

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse

Support Team

Pancreatic Cancer UK

email: nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

support line: 0808 801 0707

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Thank you Jeni...it was a very quick 6 weeks from diagnosis to his death...such a shock for us all and so close to the anniversary of my Nige's death...its been a tough time.


Sandie...still thinking of you and hoping you're coping ok.


Vx

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He died at about 6.20pm yesterday.


The palliative care team had been wonderful and fast tracked him for hospice at home. A hospital bed had been delivered on Wednesday afternoon and oxygen machines all set up.

When we got to the hospital yesterday afternoon the pharmacist brought all the medicines

(which in my experience you have to hang around for), the release letter soon appeared,

the care team leader had been and done an assessment of his needs and so all that was

needed was for the care team to be allocated and the transport organised, so he was all due

to be at home by the latest at about 5 pm today.


His brother and sister-in-law visited yesterday afternoon and he was perfectly lucid but very uncomfortable and saying he wanted a bedpan and then not using it. He got very restless and

kept wanting to be moved about the bed because he was so uncomfortable. He was staring around with eyes wide open and the nurse said afterwards he knew what was happening but couldn't tell us.


The nurse came and gave him his usual evening medication and then he quietened down and we thought he would sleep. He got quieter and quieter and turned very pale and we then realised his breathing had stopped. It was very peaceful - we had pulled the curtains around his bed and me and our boys were all there. We stayed there for more than an hour in our own little bubble and said our final goodbyes. In the end it was all I could have wished for.

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Sandie, I am so sorry, but glad it was peaceful and that you were all there with him, sending you a great big cyber (((hug))). The NHS can be wonderful when it really needs to be, sorry you couldn't get him home, but perhaps it was for the best. please take care love to you and the boys sandrax xx

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Sandie, I'm so sorry. But I'm glad you and the family were with him and that you'll have the comfort of knowing that all was peaceful when he died. He's had a long struggle, and so have you.


There's a lovely bit of Spenser that sums it up : "Sleepe after toyle, port after stormie seas, Ease after warre, death after life does greatly please".


Much love

Mo

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Dearest Sandie,


I'm so very sorry to read that you and Stephen have been parted, I know it is that which is hell and to his release from suffering. You have been a wonderful wife and made this terrible burden bearable for him. I send you and your family love and prayers in your sad loss and joy for Stephen in his release. I hope that you will be able to feel a tiny bit of the love we all have for you through your grief and take a little comfort.


M xxxx

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Thank you all. Because your comments come from personal knowledge they are all the more valuable to me.


Because we are a Jewish family the funeral was yesterday and the previous two days were spent scurrying around getting the paperwork etc. in place and contacting people so not much time for it all to sink in. There's also the fact that because he had spent weeks at a time in hospital during the course of this year I have had experience of an empty house. It's not empty at the moment as both my boys are still with me. One will come frequently from Surrey and the other one will go back to Portugal when both he and I are ready.


I am now about to talk to a travel agent about a holiday.

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PCUK Nurse Dianne

Dear Sandie,


I am sorry to hear of Stephen's passing, however pleased to hear he was at peace in his last hours and that he had his loved family with him at this time. Please do accept our heartfelt condolences on Stephen's passing. You have shown as other's before and around you an amazing amount of courage and strength Sandie and as always lovely to have your forum family support you at this difficult time.


Thinking of you at this time.


Jeni and Dianne

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurses

Pancreatic Cancer UK

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Sandie, I think we might know each other. I've sent a request for my details to be passed with the names of my Mum and Dad. If you are who I think you are, I last saw you in Cafe Rouge years ago. I won't post personal details here of course as it's an open forum but it may well be a coincidence and there are more Sandras and Stephens of the same age group. If my parent's names don't mean anything to you, would you please be kind enough to let me know in due course when you feel up to it.


Hope you are coping as well as you can be, given the circumstances


Love Proud Wife x

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