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Steve's story


sheena
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My hubby Steve is 68 all his life has been dedicated to looking after children from troubled families.He is my second husband and has been a devoted stepfather to my 7 children .I cannot remember a day when he was sick always strong dependable and hard working.how can life change so quickly ,we know find ourselves facing this rotten pc ,why is life so cruel? What did we do to deserve this .Steve is so brave he hasn't cried been angry just taken it in his stride.I on the other hand have been the opposite I've cried buckets cursed shouted and been so angry at times I've scared myself.where do we go now knowing Steve has a death sentence hanging over him .Will it be tomorrow next week next month next year.Oh God how our life's have changed .Steve has planned his funeral,sorted out his affairs,held me tight and said I will be fine.how can I ever be fine I'm not strong enough I don't want to lose him .Is it ok to be selfish why can't they diagnose pc quicker why isn't there a cure

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Sheena,


I do feel for you so much, I lost my husband Trevor 11 weeks ago today, I went through all the same feeling you are going through, but I must admit I did try to hide it from Trevor. What you are feeling is perfectly natural, it is all just so unfair. Trevor was different to Steve as he just wanted to believe he would get better, so he didn't plan anything, but he said he wasn't frightened of dying, he was just worried how we would all cope without him, and it is hard.

I just tried to focus on what time we had left and enjoy it, Trevor was lucky as he was really quite well throughout his treatment, until the last couple of weeks.

Hopefully Steve will do well on his treatment, and you will have a long time left together, some of the people on here are doing tremendously well, its not all doom and gloom. All I can suggest is to try not to dwell on the bad, and try to focus on the good,I do understand how scary it is, but Steve needs you to be strong for him, and I am sure you will manage to get the strength to carry on. sending you a big (((hug))) love sandrax xx

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Welcome to the forum Sheena, this disease is so cruel, you will find this forum is amazing, Is Steve having chemo ? My husband who was 49, died 10 months ago and he too sorted out his affairs which gave him peace of mind.

Try and live each day Sheena, its extremely hard , take care

love Jayne

x

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Hello Sheena. Yes it is so terribly unfair that the people we love have to face this. I think most people in your position do find that they get angry and sad and very emotional, it is only normal that we all go through these feelings. My husband was lucky in some respects, that he had a chemo regime Gemcitabine/Capecitabine which enabled him to carry on relatively normal during the six months that he had from diagnosis. He lived life to the full during this time and enjoyed many days out golfing and with his family. I hope that you will be able to a good oncologist who will help you through the minefield and that the treatment your husband chooses is the right one for him. Thinking of you at this time. take care Lyn

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Hi sheena, your story reflects my own, my hubby is 68, diagnosed in march and currently undergoing chemo. As I read your message the feelings you expressed were identical to mine and just like you I am crying all the time. The only difference is that Roger is confident he will come through this and doesn'the like to have too much information but this is something that can be really difficult for me at times. I don't like to trouble others with my problems and find that this board is a real life line as i'm sure you do. I know how difficult it is and can only repeat what others say about staying strong, but I know it' so so hard. Hope his last chemo went well, take care.


Sue

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My daughter's 30th b day last night we had a great party ,she gave a speech at the end saying that with Steve being there was the only gift she had asked for and thanking him for making it come true. I guess there wasn't a dry eye in the house,so proud of my children to care so much and to my hubby my hero

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Yes kittycat same age same time diagnosed ,I feel a bit stronger today as Steve says Will you stop blady worrying woman.Oh how he makes me laugh.if only he knew what I am actually thinking and feeling he would go mad .I guess I should get the best actress award this year .

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Hi sheena, I know what you mean about being a good actress. Roger asked me if I knew how long the doctors had given him and when I said that I did he said he didn't know how I could live with knowing! Well, I can't and it breaks my heart every day, like you said, not knowing when it would be and seeing him suffer so. I cry every day but it doesn't help - nothing does but I try to stay strong.


Sue

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Hi all we are having a good week so far Steve has been doing the garden it looks beautiful,I almost feel it's a dream and he is not sick.but I guess for every up there is a down.we have so much to do I just hope we get to fit it all in love to you all

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  • 2 weeks later...

Not doing good this week I know people mean well ,but have been asked a lot this week how Steve is and I find myself getting tearful.I guess when at home I'm strong and hold back but I'm rather embarrassed to say I blubbed in the supermarket yesterday.going to see oncologist on Tuesday ,really not sure what to say ,as I don't have much faith in him and he isn't very good at handing out information .Is it our rights to know everything or do they just give you basics .

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Hi Sheena,

Sorry to hear you are feeling down, but getting upset is normal, you wouldn't be normal if you didn't and its always when people are being nice, isn't it.

Obviously all Drs/consultants/oncologyst are different, but if you ask a direct question, I think you will get a reasonably direct answer. While the news was reasonably good I wanted to know everything, but as the news got worse, I found I didn't want to know quite as much, but then I knew most of the answers anyway.

I do think its your right to know everything, but the Drs can only tell you so much, as everyone is so different in the way they respond to treatment, drugs ect, so I suppose its difficult for them too. I honestly don't think they know themselves how well or not well people are going to do.

I hope you get the answers you want, take care sandrax xx

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Hi sheena, I know exactly how you feel. I'm strong at home when I'm with Roger but when he's having a nap or I'm in the car alone the tears just flow and I also find it difficult listening to music because the words just bring back memories. There are good days and bad days and everyone says to stay strong and it's difficult but we all have to let our feelings out or I think we'd just crack up.


It's unfortunate about your oncologist but I think everyone wants to know a different amount of info and it must be difficult to judge. I like a lot of info but my husband doesn't and I can tell that the doctor is aware of this and judges her answers accordingly. I hope the week gets better for you both soon.


Due

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  • 2 weeks later...

Had a good week my hubby is full of energy and can't keep still.has been doing the garden and it looks beautiful ,we have also got 2 rabbits called Samson Delilah ,Steve's idea .without the weight loss you really wouldn't think he was sick.let's hope we have many more weeks like this x

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Ty Sandra it's such a blessing .Steve is amazing and our family is so supportive.our grandson 3 asked Steve if he could go to the beach as he is the only one that can dig a big hole bless him.Steve said I promise you we will dig the biggest hole ever and we might even get to Australia lol.Noah then replied but pops we can't go there I will miss my Nanny to much bless him.I so hope he gets to do this .x

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Sheena, that's lovely, the grandchildren are amazing aren't they, My youngest Granddaughter who is 7 has been staying with me. We lost my Mum (Nana Spana) nearly 4 years ago, and our dog Daisy a couple of weeks later, suddenly out of the blue, Sara asked why did Nana Spana and Daisy have to die she was quite upset so I explained they where poorly just like Granddad and the Drs couldn't make them better so they died. Her answer was "I know about Granddad, I cry for him all the time, today I am crying for Daisy and Nana Spana" I told her we didn't want her to be sad and to think about the happy times she had spent with them, we chatted about them for a few minutes and she soon started to smile again. Perhaps she remembers them more here as I have quite a few photos of Mum around,

Tell Steve he had better get his strength up and get his bucket and spade out ready for that "hole" its good to have family support it all helps to keep you going, take care sandrax xx

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just a quick catch up.Steve hasn't had a good weekend feeling sick and swollen feet and ankles.has been asleep for most of Sat Sun .today Monday he has at least got dressed but has laid around in bedroom all day.I'm wandering if his stent is becoming blocked as he has had it for 5 mths,do they need replacing ?

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Hi fatigue is a common problem. I think if his stent was blocked his urine would be dark again and start to get jaundiced.


Hope Steve starts to feel a bit better.


Julia x

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi all sorry not been on for a while .Steve had a little holiday with his mate went to Cumbria then down to Manchester to see his son and grandchildren.missed a chemo session but oncologist said it was fine to.He had an amazing time but says that will be his last holiday,he is talking very negative now we're as before he was positive.has managed to maintain his weight and apart from sleeping a lot looks really well.love to you all and hope everyone is keeping well xx

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Hi Sheena,

I am so glad Steve had a holiday and enjoyed it. I suppose we all have down times even when we don't have this dreadful disease so hopefully he will pick back up again. It is good about his weight as so many struggle. Try and stay positive and take care.

Love Sue x

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