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Jonathan's final performance

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To Cathy

So sorry to hear that your beloved Jonathan has lost his battle with this horrific disease. I hope you can take some comfort that you were there with him fighting every step of the way and that you had some special time to say goodbye at the end. Sending you hugs and strength to help you get through the next couple of weeks

Julie xxx

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dear cathy, I am so sorry to read about your beloved hubby, so many lately.

no words can convey what i am feeling, my thoughts and love are winging their way to you, carrying loads of strength. laura xxx

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Cathy, I just wanted to wish you all the best for Jonathan's send-off tomorrow. He was clearly a very special person and you were obviously very close. I am sure the day will be a fitting tribute and we shall certainly be thinking of you.




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Dear Cathy

Very best wishes for tomorrow and I sincerely hope Jonathan's funeral is an outpouring of love and celebration for his life. For some reason, with his theatrical background I am picturing a "Love Actually" merging of the Bay City Rollers lead ceremony and the Keira Knightley wedding with choir and orchestra popping up around the church! I don't in any way intend any disrespect as if I had the resources and connections this is just what I'd be planning for myself as I believe that we should celebrate a life rather than mourn a death. If only we knew more about the human condition things may be much easier to understand.

Love and Peace

Mike xx

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Just want to echo the wishes of the rest of the forum family and hope that tomorrow will go well for you. It will be a difficult day but the following words were read at my husband's funeral and in my darkest days the words have been a comfort to me and slowly I am learning to "go on" like many others here, and you will too.

Hilary x

He is gone

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkin (1959 - )

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Hi all.

First of all thank you for thinking of me yesterday. I was really touched when I looked at the forum before the funeral and realised you had.

Some of you know that Jonathan was an actor and musician and the ceremony started with Jake (his son) introducing a CD that he and his Dad had prepared last summer. Sound quality was great and everyone listened to Jonathan addressing his "audience" with his poetry, bits of plays he liked (Waiting for Godot and All my sons) and music of course (Beatles, Beach boys, Led Zeplin, Randy Newman) with a few jokes thrown in for good measure (inc a bit of Bill Hicks). The service ended by him telling us all to go and get "pi***d", him talking about keeping an appointment (with death) a bit from Becket about keeping an appointment in Waiting for Godot, and the final song, John Barry's The Appointment. During the last song me, Sally and Jake all stood up and went to the lectern to press the button then stood and watched the curtains go around the coffin with our arms around each other. A final tiny snip of one of Jake's songs and then applause from the congregation (his audience). Everyone said they loved it. We went back to his favourite pub which was heaving. There was an old contact sheet from his early days as an actor where people could cut out photos of him and books where people could write stories of him and the music in the background was Jonathan playing in various bands. There was a pile of his VoiceOver CDs that people helped themselves to. I met a lot of people from Jonathan's early days in his career who I hadn't met before which was great and a number of people expressed interest in helping out with a benefit including an acclaimed actress who played Jonathan's on screen wife in various things and was working in LA when he died. A well known comedian friend is going to tweet a link to Jonathan's JustGiving page (and will also be involved). Hopefully we will manage to raise a lot of money. So, it all went fine and, because of Jonathan's CD it wasn't a sad occasion but a really special one. A group of us ended up at a friends where we all got sozzled and had a takeaway.

The day was fine in the end although started very poignantly. As Jonathan had been in hospital before Christmas he hadn't been able to Chrismas shop and so had given Jake and a friend of mine a shopping list to get my Christmas presents. Anyhow, before we left for the funeral Jake got a box out of a pocket and said there was one present I hadn't had yet as Jonathan had been very specific about what he had wanted. By the time he had found what Jonathan had wanted Christmas was over and so it was to be a New Year present and then it was to be engraved and so it was after New Year by the time it had been done and Jonathan had said he thought it was "perfect". By then things happened very quickly with Jonathan's health declining and then he died. Jake and his Mum Sally decided that it would be very appropriate to give it to me on the morning of the funeral. The box contained a silver bracelet with a heart shaped charm on it. One one side was engraved "Jonathan" and the other "Cath. I love you". It was unbelievably poignant and moving. But absolutely perfect.

Rip Jonathan. You are deeply loved and terribly missed by many people.


Edited by Cathy
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Thanks Julia

Lol.. He was a big Bill Hicks fan. The bit he read out on the CD was Bill Hicks at his sweariest best. Also died of PC.

I forgot to add that the order of service just described how the service would work, no eulogies etc. Then we added in a couple of poems. One he had written last year called the "Kansar Kyd" about "The Pancreatic cancer blues" that I found with the other stuff he had prepared for the funeral that I found. It seemed fitting to include it.

Hillary, I also included the words to "He is gone". I'd made a point of digging them out of a thread you had posted saying you'd used them yourself and I found them beautiful.

Then we added a bit about the benefit and PCUK.

They looked pretty cool when they were finished..

Cathy xx

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Yes to Bill Hicks and PC. Did you read his last words? "I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.” 

Lovely words xxx

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Bill Hicks Rules! Suspected lung cancer or cirrhosis had got him, had no idea it was PC!

Cathy hon, I have to admit to not crying, not cos I'm a heartless mare, but because the thing that shines out for me is how overwhelmingly proud you must have been of him and the kids on the day. So would have loved to know someone who prompted so much love, respect, laughter and friendship from so many.

Sounds like you did an absolutely amazing job. know from the time after Dad's funeral (another wingding with laughter easily outweighing tears) it can get a bit overwhelmingly quiet after a wee while. As I said in another post, that benefit, which is sounding more like a definite plan all the time, will hopefully be a welcome and positive distraction. If not and the silence gets a bit loud, promise you'll come see us.

Take great care and thank you for such a lovely post.



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Dear Cathy

Well done for putting on such a special day, so glad it went so well. Lots of love to you and Jonathan's son, what a special man he sounds too,


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dear cathy, lovely posts, am sure you were feeling so empty, but how wonderful to read of the support all of yours and jonathon friends gave on the day.

the future will i'm sure have many difficult moments, but hopefully your memories will help you thru. my thoughts are with you. laura xx

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Sounds like a brilliant "send off" and very much in line with my own vision of the perfect celebration. Thank you so much for the superb account and I do hope the love shown for your beloved husband will help you through the coming days and weeks ahead.

Love and Peace

Mike x

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Cathy Jonathan's final performance and as they say final curtain sounded wonderful ,you will feel empty and sad but in true show business style as they say "the show must go on " so be strong and know we are here when ever you need to give in to your emotions .

Take Care

EmmaR xx

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Dear Cathy,

There are no words that can make you feel any better I know this, all we have is that we did the best we could for our loved ones when they needed us most, take comfort in that..

Thinking of you Cathy at this terrible time



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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Leila

Thank you. That's kind of you. Your response brought tears to my eyes too!!

Everyone, thank you again for your replies. It's a strange new normal life without my big man. Have stuck the Chelsea match on the radio but it's not the same without him swearing at it :(

Sadly the actor who wrote Jonathan's obituary in The Stage has recently died as well - he was one of Jonthan's best friends so I have another funeral to look forward to.

Ant11 - you said when the time was right you would be posting about your special lady as well so I am looking out for your post!

Love to everyone. Hope your weekends and your loved ones weekends are good and healthy.

Cathy xxx

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Hi Cathy

I have followed your posts religiously since finding out about the special lady in our lives. You really are a brave and wonderful lady offering so much to others and so many of your tips have helped me to pass things onto my very close family. I have shed many tears reading your posts knowing that in time we will have to say farewell and let her go. I would like to contact you via email if Jeni could arrange this as I can then explain in more detail what is happening. Of course I do understand if you would prefer not to. You are a real inspiration......

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