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Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Justamo » Mon Mar 13, 2017 5:09 pm

I was wondering how you were feeling about Jake and now I know. Over many years i have lost 5 cats, and i have mourned each of them. One cat died about a month after my dad died. I wept buckets for my sassy little cat, in fact most of the time i didn't know if i was crying for Dad or Baby, as we called her.

There aren't really any words of comfort for your feelings about Jake and 13 years is a long time to share your life with a friend. Dogs are more devoted and faithful than cats so it's a different relationship and as you say it's going to be hard to return to an empty house. I am so sorry for you Quickly, but from what you have described you took the best course of action before you travelled here.

Try to take comfort from that if you can. There are lots of pet owners on here who all understand just how you feel.

With love
Mo

Marmalade

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Marmalade » Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:16 am

Hi Quickly,

The emotion is all muddled up together. It's no more possible for you to "get over" or adjust to losing Jake than it is for you to get over or adjust to the situation with your Dad. I feel for you Quickly. Try not to torture yourself with thoughts of emptiness when you go home, it's inevitable that we miss those we love but we find coping strategies, we have no choice. I am alone in the house 95% of the time and I cope by choosing to think of it as my special place, where Louis watches over me and fills my thoughts and heart with millions of happy memories. He is not here but the memories are strong and happy. I hope they will be for you too.

Night night Quickly, sweet dreams x

Quickasyoucan
Posts: 112
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:06 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Quickasyoucan » Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:09 pm

Thank you Marmalade, sage advice.
We had the hospice visit today for a frank discussion about end of life. They gaily told Dad fast track nhs carers as we have are for people predicted to be in the last 12 weeks of life. Not like we didn't know dad's time is limited but ... graveyard humour came out at that stage and I asked her what happens to the funding and you if you exceed 12 weeks - luckily the answer is te-assessment rather than termination!!!
Perversely dad has cheered up, had a good day and eaten more since the visit and has been animated for the first time in 3 weeks. So a weirdly good day which I will take.

Elaine123
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:49 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Elaine123 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 9:11 am

Hi quickly it is surreal to be sitting there talking about end of life. Maybe your Dads reaction is because some of his fears may have been addressed or a worry he had may have been answered for him. That is great he seemed to have been more animated and that can only be good for you as it can be soul destroying trying to get someone to take part in what's going on around them and getting no response. You must have caused her a bit of a hiccup in the conversation asking what happens if you live past twelve weeks lol sometimes humour is the only way past statements like that. I think it's cruel as who's to say your Dad only has 12 weeks no one can determine that and it's so negative whereas everyone should have hope. It will be good if your Dad continues to eat well today and is more talkative for your sake as it makes caring for him a little bit easier. Hoping you both have a good day . Hugs
Elaine
X

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Justamo » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:25 pm

Hello Quickly,
Haven't heard from you for a little while.
How are things ?
Love, Mo

Quickasyoucan
Posts: 112
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:06 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Quickasyoucan » Sat Mar 25, 2017 10:44 am

Hi all
Mo thanks for checking in.
We have actually been in the hospice since Monday for symptom management as things came to a head on Sunday nigh. Dad was still insisting on taking himself to the toilet but too weak to get underwear on and off but didn't want me doing it. Hospice have been lovely. Dad says he felt relieved to be in there. I think he has finally given up trying to do everything himself.
He has had some good days and bad days since being here but they have dealt with a few issues. He has had 6.5 litres of ascites drained off his stomach and they have tweaked meds and sorted out his dry mouth. He isn't having a great day today as they helped him to clear his bowels and that has worn him out. He has also largely given up eating though he has managed a smoothie or two and a few small tubs of ice cream.
He no longer wants to return home but we have a meeting on Monday as though he is largely bedridden and seems so frail to us he is not currently considered sick enough to stay.
Anyway they are absolutely lovely I'd move in myself!!

sandraW
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby sandraW » Sat Mar 25, 2017 10:52 am

Hi Quickly, they are amazing places aren't they. I hope they let Dad stay if that's where he wants to be, but I do understand the bed situation they all struggle with. If he has all but stopped eating I would have thought that would be a pointer, but then what do we know. Fingers crossed for you take care love sandra x xx

Veema
Posts: 503
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Veema » Sat Mar 25, 2017 12:17 pm

Hi Quickly...he may start to feel a bit better with the ascites being drained off...but then it depends on how quickly it returns...Nige had 7.5 litres drained, but a few days later it began creeping back and when he died less than a week later, they drained a further 5 litres off.

It sounds to me like he's in the best place at the minute and if I were you, I'd fight for him to stay.

Much love,

Vx

Proud Wife
Posts: 733
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Proud Wife » Sun Mar 26, 2017 7:38 pm

I agree with Veema. I would hold your ground and just say that it's impossible to care for him at home. I appreciate the hospice beds are precious but I really do think your Dad's in the best place for him and that's all that matters.

Good luck xx

Quickasyoucan
Posts: 112
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:06 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Quickasyoucan » Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:56 pm

Just a quick update. Dad has done a Lazarus thanks to the ascites removal which has temporarily also removed all his lymphedema and a short course of steroids. He is now back to eating meals and up and walking with a frame. Danger is he will overdo it knowing him. He is also enjoying a daily jacuzzi at the hospice!! He would now like to go to a nursing home for 24 hour care so we are working on that. 10 mcg patch is keeping any pain under control. So for the moment we are having some of Elaine's diamond days !! Best wishes to all.

Marmalade

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Marmalade » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:32 pm

Hi Quickly, isn't that just lovely? They are indeed diamond days so enjoy xxx

sandraW
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby sandraW » Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:54 pm

That's really great news Quickly, long may it continue take care love sandrax xx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Justamo » Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:25 pm

Great news Quickly, you'll remember these happy days forever.
Love, Mo

Elaine123
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:49 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Elaine123 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:23 am

Hi Qickly that's is great news about your Dad it will feel lovely to have him back to himself again....diamond days indeed. It is also good that he is thinking of his future care needs and realising that he does need care. That will meet his needs also will give you peace of mind that he is being looked after and there is always someone there if he needs them. I am really happy for you both .....take care and sending you hugs.
Elaine
X

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Grumpy's Story

Postby Justamo » Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:24 am

How are things Quickly ?
Love, Mo