A forum for family, friends and carers of pancreatic cancer patients

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Proud Wife
Posts: 733
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Proud Wife » Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:12 pm

I'm so sorry to hear your news yanina. I hope your dad is kept pain free and peaceful. You will cope sweetheartt, we all have because we have no choice and you will find the strength from somewhere. I'm pleased you are going to the doctors, you need to take care of yourself as well. If you need support or need to talk you will always find someone here to help.

Keep strong xx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Justamo » Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:49 pm

Poor Nina, it all sounds like a nightmare. I think you are coping remarkably well; you were smart enough to find this website to get appropriate advice, it sounds as though you are supporting your mum as well, and you have got support from the experienced members of this forum.

I can only offer sympathy and prayers. I'm glad your dad is having proper pain relief and I'm sure he is more comfortable in hospital than at home. You have done all the right things for your family, and your husband will understand how stressed you are and will forgive you snapping at him. Don't judge yourself harshly Nina.

Good night, God bless, and let us know how things are tomorrow.
Love Mo

Marmalade

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Marmalade » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:13 pm

Dearest Yanina,

I am so sorry that you are all having to cope with this and glad Dad is getting the help he needs at last. When people are coming to the end their bodies don't absorb medication through their digestive system very well. Although they are having lots of medication it doesn't work well so the syringe driver under the skin will be much better and he will get relief and sleep more because his body is exhausted and the medication strong. The hospital can adjust the syringe driver if he has more pain and can include drugs to help him feel better. He is in the best possible place and you and your Mum have done everything you can.

Try to be calm and patient. Be kind to yourself and let Dad go peacefully when he is ready. Even when he appears to be deep asleep he may still be able to hear. If you feel a bit useless you can talk quietly to him, reassure him that he has nothing to fear and that you and Mum will be very very sad but you will look after each other.

You will cope Yanina, it will be tough but you will, We know your heartache and the pain of waiting and we are thinking of you all and praying for you, sometimes it helps to know. M xxxx

Veema
Posts: 503
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Veema » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:27 pm

Oh Nina...it did sound like he was getting near the end...he'll be kept comfortable at the hospital, its a shame there's no bed at the hospice, but unfortunately that is often the case.

Just be with him now whenever you can, you and your mum can be daughter and wife again now and not carers...hopefully it will be quick and peaceful.

We will all be here for you for as long as you need us afterwards too...dont forget that. I've taken a lot of comfort from here since my husband died...it really does help to get things off your chest.

Hope your ECG hoes ok tomorrow...look after yourself.

Love Vx

yanina
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 9:28 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby yanina » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:54 pm

i write with sadness in my heart to you all tonight, at 5.30 am this morning my hero my dad sadly passed away piecefully with mum by his side. he is no longer suffering and no longer in pain, words can not describe how im feeling right now.
this horrible cancer took my dad so quick my self and rest of the faamily will never be the same again.
and to make matters worse with mum not coping not eating, she too is now in hospital, as she passed out and cracked her head on the butchers block in the kitchen,shes being kept in over night for observation.

thank you all so so much for your support over the last few weeks its been amence.

Marmalade

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Marmalade » Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:33 pm

Dear Yanina,

I am so very sorry for your loss, your Dad is now free and flying with angel wings bless him. You have been a wonderful daughter to both Mum and Dad and as Mo said you did very well to find the forum and to get help and advice. No, life will not be the same and for quite a while it will be unbelievably sad. Don't worry about showing your grief, or coming back here, it's ok and people will understand because it happens to us all, young and old.

Stick tight together with family and friends and try not to let your Dad be defined by his illness, he was much more than a cancer victim he was a great Dad. He would want you to think of the happy and good times you shared when he was fit and well. He has left his genes in you and will always be in your heart.

Much love,

M xxx

Dandygal76
Posts: 754
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Dandygal76 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:07 pm

Oh Yanina, I am so sorry for your loss. Just always remember we are here for you and mostly that your dad wants you and your family to beat what this disease does by dragging everyone down with it. In time your mum and you will find new strength and you will live a different life but you will make your hero proud of you. Thinking of you all. x

Veema
Posts: 503
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Veema » Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:30 pm

So very sorry Nina...it's just so sad. He's at peace now, bless him.

No words will make you feel any better, but don't forget we're here for you...it would be nice for you to tell us some of the lovely things about your Dad.

I do hope your Mum is okay.

Vx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Justamo » Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:51 pm

Oh Nina, I'm so very sorry for you all. Poor Mum must feel awful ending get up as a patient herself. But I'm glad that Dad's suffering is ended now.

Don't worry too much about Mum not eating, but make a nice little snack for both of you and keep talking to her. She might eat it without noticing, if you see what I mean. It worked on my father after my mother died. I just put a sandwich and coffee in front of him and he ate it without thinking what he was doing.

You have been so brave and strong throughout all of this and now you can rest a little bit. Poor Mum will have to come to terms with it herself, you can't do it for her. Take care of yourself now, and stay strong. Cry all you want, do whatever makes you feel better and let us all know how you are doing.

Love, Mo

sandraW
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby sandraW » Sat Jan 07, 2017 12:02 pm

Nina, I am so sorry to hear you have lost your lovely dad to this dreadful disease, the other ladies have given you lots of good advice already. I lost my dad 52 years ago when I was 17, it took a while before I could remember him with a smile, but that time will come. I still think about him and hope he is looking down and happy with how I live my life, he will never leave you he will live on in your heart and mind forever. I hope you mum starts to feel better soon it will be very hard for her but she will have your support to help her through, take care love sandrax xx

Wife&Mum
Posts: 397
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 3:12 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Wife&Mum » Sat Jan 07, 2017 12:13 pm

I am very sorry for your loss Nina and send my sincere condolences to you and your family.

This forum offers support to the bereaved as well as those living with the disease so please come here whenever you feel in need of support. I know that others here have found it really helpful.

W&M xx

Elaine123
Posts: 204
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:49 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Elaine123 » Sat Jan 07, 2017 6:02 pm

Hi Nina I was so sorry to read your post that your Dad reached the end of his fight with PC. I hope your Mum is doing well in hospital. Good luck for your ECG and please let us know your results. Thinking of you and your Mum
Elaine
X

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1019
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:57 pm

Hello Nina,

On behalf of the nurses here at Pancreatic Cancer UK, we are very sorry to read of your dad's passing.

Please accept our condolences to you and your family.

I also hope that your mum has recovered now, and that she is out of hospital.

It is good that you have found the forums supportive Nina, and as W&M has suggested, feel welcome to come back on should you wish to at any stage.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

Jeni Jones
Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse
Support Team
Pancreatic Cancer UK
email: support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk
support line: 0808 801 0707

yanina
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 9:28 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby yanina » Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:37 am

hi all sorry its been a while but , theres been a lot to do sorting dads funeral out wich is this coming wednesday, not looing forwrrd to it to say the least.

ive been coping and trying to support mum best i can by being there for her every day durning the day time and going home to be with my family about 3pm onwards, ive been helping her sort all dads affairs out banks accounts out ect ect still not done yet.

my youngest brother and my oldest son have been sleeping at mums thru the night so shes not alone baring in mind my son is only 27 and still young he doesnt mind doing this. but all my brother as done is moan moan moan moan, and made everything about him!!!

it all come to a head yesterday when he started dictating to me that my son had to stay at his grandmas 3 times a week and he would stay the 1 night and his new relationship with his g/friend would have to be put on hold!!! his words

this is a load of CRAP if he spent less time in th pub and less time golfing and stop making it all about him ARRRRRRRR im so mad right now im ready to explode.

i know i can vent on here but i can see us not speaking again. mum knew something was wrong with me yesterday and so did my other brother , so i told all to mum, i didnt want to but i did.
going to see my dad tuesday at the chaple of rest with mum... going to be a hard day.
take care and speak soon
nina xxxx

Veema
Posts: 503
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Nina's Dad

Postby Veema » Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:27 am

Things like this often happen when people are grieving...regardless of what he might do, try to keep your cool because words that are said cannot be unsaid...I know it's difficult...but you will feel better in the long run if you just ignore his behaviour now. I have 3 brothers, 2 of them are right idiots and wind me up no end most of the time, but they generally come through for me when I need them.

Things will calm down a bit after the funeral...I felt really strange because I'd thrown myself into organising it and hadn't really thought about how I would feel when I didn't have that to focus on.

I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Vx