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Didge
Posts: 822
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:22 pm

Great post Dandygal apart from the bad mother bit! We are on a war footing in this situation and we do what is needed to get through xx

Veema
Posts: 407
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veema » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:28 pm

Gosh Dandy...we live on take away and supernoodles now over 12 months on...I must be a shocking mother!

She's right though Mo...you've just got to do it your way.

Vx

sandraW
Posts: 1008
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby sandraW » Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:20 pm

They are all exactly right Mo, and that's were the hospice is so great they let you do it your way. I wanted to be with Trevor 24/7 and hold his hand, they were there in the background, and I knew when I needed them they would be there, peace of mind for me.
I didn't want the boys to see him die, I don't know why, I just wanted it to be me and him, and it was, I think it was a dignity thing for him, that made me feel that way, in the end he just stopped breathing, no agitation, nothing.
Dandy I am sure your lot would have lived on bread and jam, they knew I am sure you were just doing your best in a very difficult situation, no way were you a bad mum.xx
Veema you are not a bad mum either sometimes there are more important things in our life, than messing about cooking! You and Phoebe won't come to any harm I'm sure. xx
love sandrax xx

Justamo
Posts: 436
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 9:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:11 pm

I am staying at the hospice tonight; just feels like the right place to be. I nipped home to give Boo a quick cuddle and a dishful of food; he was not particularly impressed with the cuddle but professed mild interest in the food. I bet the whole lot went down in one as soon as I shut the front door behind me.

When this hospice was built there was a huge fundraising campaign to get it off the ground, and the fundraising has continued ever since. I've donated over the years, of course, and joined the 100 Club as soon as it started but I had no idea what the fundraising actually covered.

Bricks, mortar, specialist staff, utilities, imaginative design and layout, facilities for relatives who may have driven 200 miles to visit loved ones, nothing is stinted and everything is done to help patients and their families.

But fundraising doesn't pay for kindness, compassion and love. And it's here in abundance.

Peter is comfortable, which is really all that matters, and I have been treated royally. I wonder if Dame Cicely Saunders looks down from her place in heaven and feels satisfied with today's hospice movement ?

Thanks for all the support. Badly needed and gratefully accepted.
X

Quickasyoucan
Posts: 108
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:06 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Quickasyoucan » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:29 pm

Mo it sounds like Peter and you are in the best place. It also sounds exactly like our hospice whose kindness I will never forget. Xx

Didge
Posts: 822
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:37 pm

I hope you get some sleep Mo and the hospice sounds wonderful. Sends you strength and love xx

Veema
Posts: 407
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veema » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:46 am

Lovely to hear from you and pleased that you're both being looked after. I think you have to be a special sort of person to be in the profession of looking after people and even more special when you are looking after those that are in their final days.

Lots of love and thoughts.

Vx

Wife&Mum
Posts: 394
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 3:12 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Wife&Mum » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:30 am

Thinking of you loads Mo, as you continue your vigil. I hope Peter had a comfortable night and that you managed to grab some sleep.
Much love
W&M xxx

Justamo
Posts: 436
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 9:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:57 am

I came home at 0500 this morning for a short nap and freshen up. I've just rung the hospice, he's still waiting for his train and much the same as when I left him. His breathing is so harsh, it sounds like noisy snoring and it's been like that for more than 36 hours. I'll have a shower and go back there in half an hour or so.


M

Justamo
Posts: 436
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 9:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:55 am

Back at the hospice now. They have turned him on his side and he seems more comfortable. What a fighter.

Peter was an Action Man in his youth. Diving, climbing, skiing - he worked as a ski instructor at weekends in the winter. Not especially because he wanted to share the beautiful scenery and the exhilaration of skiing downhill on pristine snow; it was really because the tight black trousers and scarlet sweater were a babe-magnet, and instructors were expected to participate fully in apres-ski activities. And I'm sure he was only too pleased to cooperate with the ski-school owners, and perfected an Austrian accent to improve his chances. Which was fine, until he tried to entertain some pretty young German girls . . .

Watching him now I can imagine him doing a tricky ice-climb and clinging on to a ledge by his fingertips until he could find a safe foothold. Determination, persistence, and plain bloody-mindedness ensured his survival in all sorts of risky situations.

So he's fighting on until he's good and ready to get on that train.

M

Quickasyoucan
Posts: 108
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:06 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Quickasyoucan » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:11 am

Mo he sounds like my dad who waited for his train far longer than we expected. For a man who lost both parents to heart disease his stubbornly kept on going. I know you are in limbo and the end will be a shock but I am hoping that like me you have done much of your grieving along the way so that the last moments bring peace as well as sorrow. I often think of your Peter dousing himself in after shave for his chemo visits. Used to bring a smile to my face in dark days. Xxx

Justamo
Posts: 436
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 9:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:27 pm

The nurses have just tarted him up a bit and squirted him with Sauvage. He smells lovely !

Didge
Posts: 822
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:59 pm

Savour all these moments Mo. What a guy! Xx

Veebee
Posts: 86
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2017 4:31 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veebee » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:27 pm

Dear Mo I'm following your updates and willing you on as is everybody else. Love and hugs xxxx

Justamo
Posts: 436
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 9:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:46 pm

I have been thrown out of the hospice. Not literally, but firmly advised by the lovely doctor in charge of Peter that I am exhausted and would benefit from some time out. Trouble is that while I am with him I find it so distressing listening to his breathing that I want to run away and as soon as I get home I want to go back to him again.

So I've come home to find that Boo has discovered how to get the lid off the kitchen bin, which has remained unemptied for several days. He has embellished my dirty kitchen floor with assorted refuse which hasn't improved things much. He has also emptied his toy box and I can count 27 assorted mice and teddies and his corks and bottle caps (don't ask) all over the place. And then he sat outside Peter's bedroom door and wow-wow-wowed until I opened the door for him. So he's been distracted by some Dreamies and I've got the TV on. Don't ask me what I'm watching it's just audible wallpaper as far as I'm concerned.

There's a little cafe run by the hospice and I went for a sandwich at lunchtime. They served the sandwich with a little pot of coleslaw and some assorted salad, and I picked out all the sliced peppers to put them on Peter's plate in exchange for the cucumber from his salad . . . So I was in tears again over a few bits of sliced peppers. I wrapped up my sandwich in the napkin, stuffed it in my handbag, and left.

So I'm having a 'restful' evening and doing naf-all. Did I tell you about Peter's last really lucid words ? It was before he had been completely zonked out with sedatives, and the lovely kind nurses were trying to get him to go for a pee in his designer en-suite wet room. He wasn't having any of it, and in his confused state was arguing the case quite robustly. I took his arm to encourage him, and he sat bolt upright and said, very clearly and loudly, "Mo, for flip's sake". But he didn't say "flip". Other women may treasure murmured words of love, but I'll cherish those few words for the rest of my life.

So we're still in the waiting room. I'm stressed to bits and fraying round the edges, but Peter lies comfortably, breathing unevenly, so that every time he holds his breath I do too. He is being moved every couple of hours and pampered and cared for by his lovely nurses.

Boo and I are off for a power-nap now. Or snooze. Not too deeply, though, in case the hospice phones.

X