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Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Dandygal76 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:24 pm

Hey Mo, There was some things M said to me that resonated on the night of dad passing. I did not want to go in there and I found the breathing very distressing - I remember saying to her I almost breathe for him with every breath. I only went back in for 2 minutes to stand on the edge and say my goodbyes and that was hours before he died - the rest of the time I paced the corridor like an expectant dad and I consider myself a strong person. Some people were saying I would regret not being there and others saying it doesn't matter. What made my mind up was M saying that I can make as many decisions as I like - stay out, go in, change my mind as it suits because there are no right answers, only my answers and if i didn't see him again it will not make any difference to him because he loves me and for now he is in transition. (I hope you don't mind me saying this M). There are no awards for sitting by the bed and waiting compared to those who travelled the journey with them and it will not influence what happens. The big thing that really made my mind up was M saying that there is no merit in witness, especially if it makes the parting harder and distresses him and me - and it would have been distressing for all if I was there. You look after yourself and don't second guess anything because I am afraid it is just pants whatever way you do it. Perhaps you will be there and perhaps you won't - the hospice staff I understand can tell when the time is drawing nearer and you are close. The answer will come.

My last two sentences from my dad was me telling him I love him for the first time in my life (we just never did as a family) and he said I love you too for the first time. And then the night before the night before he died he said are you staying with me and I said yes (as I set up a camp bed) and he was happy. We had confusion around this and that lucidity was special and only for me. It is lovely that Peter's words to you are you as a couple and made you smile.

Get some sleep my lovely and give Boo a hug from me. x

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:26 pm

I couldn’t cope with the horrible breathing which is why I asked for the oxygen. Just do whatever you feel is right Mo. When I got the call to come back straight away to the hospice it was still 11 hours before he passed but these things are unpredictable. You want to be there but you also need rest or you’re no good to anyone. Xx

Sandiemac
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue May 10, 2016 11:27 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Sandiemac » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:48 pm

Can you feel us all hovering around you, every step of the way? Because we are. xx Sandie

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:22 pm

The hospice rang me at 0730 this morning because I had asked to be told of any changes, and they had noticed a difference in Peter's breathing. So I fed Boo, washed my face, forgot to comb my hair because I don't look in mirrors anymore, and came here.

The body which is housing my beloved is noisy and creaky and producing unpredictable gasps and gurgles. He is in there somewhere, and that's all that matters so I am not going to refer to the sound effects again. I have also asked that visitors be kept out. If they've been kind enough to make the journey then I will sit in the lounge with them and chat for a few minutes but I don't want anybody else seeing my proud Highlander like this.

I'm OK; I'm buoyed up with your support. I think I prefer virtual hugs to real ones and I am avoiding all those genuinely kind people who want to enfold me in their bosoms. I'm withdrawing a little bit from people because this is my situation and I don't want to share it. Forum Family is different. We're all on Planet PC after all.

X

Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Dandygal76 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 1:11 pm

You are getting a lot of cyber hugs sent to you Mo from all of us. All of dads brothers and sister came to dad on the night he died but at the end it was just my mum and my sister and I think that is how dad would have wanted it. Such strong warriors deserve to keep their dignity. Much love. DG

sandraW
Posts: 1032
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby sandraW » Wed Jan 10, 2018 1:18 pm

Mo, that's just how I felt, we are all there with you, and your proud highlander, in spirit, love sandrax xx yet more ((hugs)) should you need them
Last edited by sandraW on Wed Jan 10, 2018 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veema » Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:10 pm

Much love Mo...the sitting and waiting is a strange time...Nige was surrounded by his family when he died, and my Dad was too (except me) and I think that's what they would have wanted...but you are absolutely right to do what's right for you and Peter.

Lots of virtual hugs (I hate being hugged by real people)..

Vx

Veebee
Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2017 4:31 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veebee » Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:15 pm

Still thinking of you both, Mo. Much love Vee xxx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:25 pm

The train came at 16.10 and Peter got on it.

X

Sandiemac
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue May 10, 2016 11:27 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Sandiemac » Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:35 pm

Oh Mo, I hope it was peaceful. My deepest condolences. I know exactly how you are feeling now. Much love, Sandie xx

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veema » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:00 pm

Oh Mo...I feel so, so sad for you. Peter was amazing, you've been amazing. You're now amongst many of us who have gone before you...and we will help you through.

Sleep tight Peter.

Vxx

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:09 pm

Your lovely man is free now. 💗

Wife&Mum
Posts: 397
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 3:12 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Wife&Mum » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:12 pm

Heartfelt condolences Mo. You couldn’t have supported Peter better and I hope that thought will bring some comfort.
Loads of love
W&M xxx

AndAde
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu May 18, 2017 8:51 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby AndAde » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:14 pm

You have been amazing! God bless you xx

Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Dandygal76 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:25 pm

I am so sorry Mo, he was such a brave warrior. You both did so well and we are proud of you both and humbled.

Until you two meet again we will be forever by your side - you know where we all are.

Love you Mo.

DG