A forum for family, friends and carers of pancreatic cancer patients

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pollron
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2015 10:03 am

talking

Postby pollron » Mon May 04, 2015 9:03 am

Morning everyone. My husband has inoperable Pc. Since we received this devastating news he refuses to talk about it. Anyone have any advice for me?

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: talking

Postby Didge » Mon May 04, 2015 9:40 am

Hello Pollron. You don't say how long ago your husband was diagnosed as initially it can be shock and a sort of defence that if you don't talk about it, it's not really happening. Also, is he having any sort of treatment? Again, if there is no treatment happening, he might just want to 'pretend' there is nothing wrong for as long as possible so as to enjoy what time he has left. Another reason why people don't talk is to protect their loved ones. They don't want to talk about their fears because they don't want to upset their partners/relatives. I think it is important that YOU make sure you have someone to talk to and just say to your husband that if ever he wants to talk you are listening - and that not to worry about upsetting you because you are strong (even if you don't feel it!). And then wait. Also, make sure he has friends who visit him when you are not there (or out of the room) as people who are protective of their partners, will often open up to someone else. Finally, men are often very unwilling to talk about difficult stuff and it can be torture for us women, but many on this forum have had the same experience. My fella only recently told me that when he was diagnosed with liver mets last summer, he gave up. That was news to me, as he'd been telling me he was going to beat it! Go with the flow, that's all you can do, and try not to to see it as a distance between you, which I know it can feel like, because you feel you can't reach them. x

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: talking

Postby J_T » Mon May 04, 2015 1:40 pm

Sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. We never really discussed my husband's illness and what it meant. I was led by what he wanted, not what I wanted, though I did ask him a couple of times if he wanted to talk, he never did. Not about his illness anyway.

Each and every person's situation is different and they way they deal with it is just as different.

Just be there and support him. Macmillan is brilliant and may get him to talk, either alone or with you, I have nothing but praise for our nurse.

Keep posting here, you will get plenty of advice and support.

Julia x

kittycat
Posts: 126
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 6:37 am

Re: talking

Postby kittycat » Mon May 04, 2015 2:08 pm

My husband was diagnosed in March and it was a bolt out of the blue. He doesn't like to talk about it either and thinks that the treatment will make it all go away and that life will carry on before and if that's what he wants to believe, I just go along with it although it breaks my heart.

I know how difficult it is and how alone you feel but like others have said, just be there for him and let him know that if he wants to talk at anytime, you're there.

Good luck

Sue
x

pollron
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2015 10:03 am

Re: talking

Postby pollron » Mon May 04, 2015 2:41 pm

Thanks didge and Julia for your replies. The whole process of diagnosis has been a roller-coaster ride. Ron was given the all clear in September last year and after my insisting that there was obviously something wrong he was referred to a specialist centre who diagnosed pc in November. He has had 4 cycles of filforinox prior to having a whipples. Chemotherapy was given to shrink the tumour which was pressing on abdominal veins. Sadly this didn't shrink it sufficiently and only kept it the same size therefore inoperable.

We found this out 2 weeks ago and we were shocked as surgeon said he was happy to go ahead with the surgery but has now changed his mind

As things are at the moment ron has decided to have radiotherapy and chemotherapy combined which we are waiting for a date to start.

Thanks for reading

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: talking

Postby J_T » Mon May 04, 2015 11:28 pm

Well good luck with the ongoing treatment. Hopefully, the combination will do the job and Ron will become operable.

Keep us updated on his progress.

Best of luck.

Julia x