A forum for family, friends and carers of pancreatic cancer patients

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marie souter
Posts: 198
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 7:58 pm

Re: tired

Postby marie souter » Wed Nov 27, 2013 7:17 pm

Hey Mike,

I want to move to your house, it just sounds like its filled with joy..(hopefully you have your lights fixed now) funnily enough my lights downstairs all fused day before yesterday as well...How you feeling now? Oh my chest infection..bit of an overreaction on my part .. turns out my asthmas reared its ugly head now I'm home and surrounded by my 3 cats .. may have no choice but to re-home them ... also that info I got from pancreatic cancer research, the posters there are specific info JUST for the docs to raise their awareness and stop all this misdiagnosis there is a module on there they can all do which counts towards anything theyre working towards, the PCR team sent those out to me as well so I'll be making sure the docs in this area are given that module to complete .. the donations are coming in still for our funding night on dec 14th ... my sis has just had some amazing donations towards a raffle from her local cash n carry she uses for her business .. we're going to the big shops soon .. tescos asda, morrisons etc ..

hope your all still ok
hugz
Marie
xx

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: tired

Postby J_T » Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:19 pm

Marie, my sister and niece have posted on the wall so there is a pic of him, he's here
http://www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/trib ... er/ray-foy

I'm behind him but thankfully my hat is covering my face, my youngest is stood to the side

Julia x

KATB
Posts: 178
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:41 am

Re: tired

Postby KATB » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:54 am


marie souter
Posts: 198
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 7:58 pm

Re: tired

Postby marie souter » Thu Nov 28, 2013 11:30 am

oh what lovely pictures from the both of you, what a handsome man xxx
It's actually my dads memory today as well 4 years since we lost him to right sided heart failure and copd caused by hospital negligence .. mom to misdiagnosis for 2 years ...
Feel like I'm disconnected and floundering .. its horrible without your parents it just feels like the glue who holds you all together is gone .. spending today surrounding myself with all his favorite things xx

Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: tired

Postby Cathy » Thu Nov 28, 2013 12:08 pm

Hi Marie

I understand what you mean. It must be so hard to lose 2 parents close together (as 4 years isn't any time really is it?) and today will feel a very poignant day having just lost your Mum too. It will take time and there are bound to be wobbly moments on the way.

Julia and Kate - thank you for the links. Kate - your tribute brought tears to my eyes.

Cathy xxx

marie souter
Posts: 198
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 7:58 pm

Re: tired

Postby marie souter » Thu Nov 28, 2013 12:52 pm

ty so much Cathy, it really doesn't feel like I came to terms with my dads death yet when we had moms diagnosis and another terminal illness to battle so, you're right 4 years is nothing considering I had 43 years with him .. feels like I ought to spend all my time today thinking about him as I had no time to focus on his loss whilst looking after my mom so although mom is entering my thoughts almost every second I am doing all the things dad loved and today is going to be a sci fi day as dad was a trekkie, I shall leave a seat for dad beside me with his fav sweeties and a pint there .. and imagine mom sitting on the other side rolling her eyes lol ... sparing a thought for all those who have lost xx

KATB
Posts: 178
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:41 am

Re: tired

Postby KATB » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:16 pm

Marie thank you so much for your message on the tribute wall <3

I can't imagine losing both parents, it's hard enough losing one
I am really struggling at the moment and not having a good time of it. I've distracted myself for the last 6 weeks doing fun stuff, going out etc. but I came down to earth with a bit of a bump at the weekend and it all seemed to hit me so there have been lots of tears this week.

I have no idea how you get through something like this - there is so much to process. It's not just the fact that he is gone but the fact that he got it in the first place, the decisions that were made throughout treatment, what he went through towards the end, what we went through as a family alongside him, the conversations we had etc. etc. So many layers to this that I don't know where to start or even how to.

I've got family to focus on but it's hard.

xxx

marie souter
Posts: 198
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 7:58 pm

Re: tired

Postby marie souter » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:08 pm

I know exactly what u mean its not just their passing and your loss its everything u couldn't process as your focus is to keep your loved one going .. Everything will happen in its own time there is no logical flow to how your grief will hit you. Anger is my primary focus anger at her misdiagnosis and things that happened all through her care nevermind the last few days. I would really love to talk about this kat but it has to be someone who has already lost their loved one ... I'm sure admin would give you my email address if u want to just go blurgh like I do ... I'm here for u regardless tho x hugs Marie

marie souter
Posts: 198
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 7:58 pm

sooooooooooo lost

Postby marie souter » Sun Dec 15, 2013 6:50 am

Maaan I am so sad ....you see everyone getting on with their lives .. whats supposed to be a happy time and I just feel so so so lost ... I'm floundering miss my 3am cuppas with mommy where I'd dry her tears and hold her close she'd put her head in the crook of my neck and I'd stroke her head til her tears stopped and she would then sniff blow her nose and say 'can i have another nice cup of tea pet?' we'd then talk for at least another hour about nice things, we'd talk about everyone from me jeanette jan and john, the grandkids how proud she was of ALL of them her great grandchildren, how pleased she was she got to see little Dominic born, her brothers and sisters, her mom and dad her lovely John my beloved dad. Aw man mommy come back man even for a minute I miss you so bloody much I'd give anything to see your lovely smiling face your cheeky grin ... sticking your tongue out at me, complaining about me, you used to say 'I don't know what I'd do without you' and I would say back 'there would never be a world where you would ever have to do without me' .... I would think when you said that, 'What am I gonna do without you though??' I pushed it down and choked it all back....I only cried a couple of times in front of mommy, I was there when she was told she had cancer and it was inoperable, her little face ... and twice more in the early hours ... we would talk and I would have tears falling from my eyes as my heart would bleed as I told her ... 'you're my best friend the best mom, I'm going to be lost without you mom I don't know how I am going to be without you, your so much more than just my mom so much more' and she'd hold me and mop my tears and say, 'I aint going anywhere yet I'm fighting this, I promise I intend to be around a long time yet.' She would say she was worried how I would cope without her and I had to promise her I would go on and not fall apart like I did when dad died .... but how do I do that? I'm trying to to hang on to my family, my husband my lovely kids and grandkids, trying to find something to hold onto, but when am on my own and my mind strays to her which it ALWAYS will... I feel such loss such despair .. I try to imagine mom and dad happy together all healed in mind and spirit I hold onto my grandchildren and hold them close remembering they are part of her and I wanna hold them even closer...this is what my mom gave me the opportunity to have .... wish you were here mommy wish you were here love you more than words actions deeds gifts all the money in the world than all the stars ..... come back I wish you would come back you and dad x