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littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:32 am

My poor brother is constantly vomiting, well its dry retching really. So awful. Even if he was well this would make him weak with this bloody PC it is horrific for him. Can't keep down cyclozine, or other drugs, hope the DN will be out to give him an injection of an anti emetic.

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby DRAD3 » Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:43 pm

So sorry to hear your brother is having a bad day. It is such a roller coaster isn't it? My experience with Gary was much the same. There were days I feared he would not see out, then suddenly he would perk up and "recover". For me fear, followed by relief over and over again and constantly trying to second guess this horrible disease! I am glad you are all making the most of the good days and making some happy memories. Much love.
Deb
x

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sun Jul 22, 2012 11:18 am

Thanks Deb

Daughter no.2 rang me yesterday, visited her uncle and felt he really is close to dying. I rang and his partner says that because she is with him 24/7 she is not noticing how quickly he is deteriorating. I am driving up to their home to stay overnight so that she can sleep properly tonight. I seem to spend so much time on motorways - thank god for radio 4! I just wish I could be of more help, more use, I am more in the mentor role without having much clue! Still, if that is all I can do, I'll muddle along.

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby DRAD3 » Sun Jul 22, 2012 5:18 pm

You are doing a fantastic job - what a wonder you are! I was with Gary 24/7 and too did not notice the deterioration - he was just my wonderful Gaz. I did notice every awful symptom, don't get me wrong and knew every day he was getting worse, but also saw beyond that and into his soul, which was of course, shining as brilliantly through the shadow that is this hideous disease. I only realised how awful he looked to everyone else when I look back at photos of his last week. Looking back too I realise how courageous and amazing he was but also how well I did. I am so, so tired now - probably because now I have time to feel it. I did not allow myself to feel much of anything back in April - I needed to be strong so I could help him. So be proud of yourself because I know how hard it is to be there for everyone else - in the midst of it all, you don't realise - love to you and your family, as always.
Deb
x

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Tue Jul 24, 2012 3:20 pm

stayed overnight Sunday. Slept but woke up about 6 times to go over to his bed and check him. His partner does this night after night and her with terminal bowel cancer - not good. My brother said to me he thought he would have a heart attack to end his life - I pointed out that he must have a strong heart - he agreed. Just goes to show it is not just those near and dear who need to know how this will progress but the dying do too. Not sure when next trip. Sat Nav really buggered up my last trip, instead of taking 2.5 hours it was almost 4. Had turned off voice accidentally. When I realised (on a motorway) I had to make a decision about direction without a clue and naturally made the wrong decision. When I turned voice back on got on road, then realised volume turned right down - doh! and on and on...... Will check sat nav carefully before next trip and at every stop!

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:14 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby Ella50 » Wed Jul 25, 2012 3:06 pm

Hi, I have just been reading through your post and my heart goes out to you all.. It surely is a dreadful disease..but you must be so proud at how strong you all are coping.

I too saw beyond my mams obvious deterioration, I was with her everyday for hours and
hours, and only had to look into her gorgeous eyes, that never changed.

My mam just passed on the 10th, (thankyou for posting) I still feel the need to read through these stories, in tears mostly, as all so simular stories to my mam, just diff times and dates.

All you can do is to spend as much time as you can with your loved one, and say everything you want to say. Knowing your there for them and your doing your best.. keep asking for any advice you think you may need.. or ask on here.

My mam never got to use anything she had delivered.. the zimmar, commode etc.. only used her surgical bed for 3 nights before she had to go into hospital.. and then the hospice, which she loved. Just things happened so so fast with her..
Our one oncologist meeting wasnt the best, just handed out some steroids, which done nothing.
She never had nausea at all, only one night which was due to the morphine dosage increase, the anti- sickness seemed to keep it under control.

When I saw her every morning I never knew what was waiting for me- good day, bad day etc.. no two days were ever the same.

I hope you have some really good days where you can keep making some lovely memories..

In the end my mams pain was under control and she was comfortable and where she wanted to be. As a family we all pulled together.. She knew we were all there for her and looking after eachother.. kept her spirits up.
Thats all we can all hope for in the end with this horrible disease.

As already been said.. you dont seem to think of yourself.. everything was based around my mam.. Now my rollercoaster has stopped.. it can hit you hard.
So look after yourself.

Take care! Love Ella xx

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Wed Jul 25, 2012 3:35 pm

Thanks Ella and I am so sorry for your loss. My brother's partner has just ordered a kind of bed for the garden. They have a beautiful garden and under the shade of the apple tree in this weather is a wonderful place to be. Hope the weather holds so he can spend it out there in comfort. He fell last night and we are just hoping he hasn't broken any bones, DN coming out today so will know whether he needs to go to hospital for xray or not. He felt better and got himself up to walk into another room but keeled over. I can't speak to him on the 'phone anymore as his voice is so weak, I can't hear him. His daughters are down this week-end so I will not go up until early next week, unless I am called to do so. His son is there everyday, the neighbours are really good friends and drift in and out every day, this together with the macmillan nurse the carers and I think the marie curie nurse is about to come in, oh! and also they have a woman from another charity who has started to come in once a week for three hours so that my brother's partner can go out - so they are well supported.
That's it for now - each day is different so expect more posts.

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:14 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby Ella50 » Wed Jul 25, 2012 3:59 pm

That sounds lovely, I really hope he gets many sunny days..
And hope the fall is nothing too serious.. this on top of everything else eh! you must feel what next!? Just got to pick yourself up and carry on and just try to stay strong.. easier said than done sometimes I know.

I remember my mam, used to have to bend in over her to hear what she was saying.. the quickness is scarey.. if that weak - now is the time to talk talk talk..!! Go and see him if you feel the need.

Thats great support, at least you can sleep easier knowing that.

Watch he doesnt get so tired tho with all the visitors, they can wear him out without realising.
But good company, and that will help.!

Take care Ella xx

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:55 pm

Thanks Ella, the neighbours and friends are very considerate. When they pop in they only stay a little while and my brother is happy to close his eyes but when asked if he wants us/anyone to leave him to sleep, he always says no. I think he knows he is alive when he hears people he knows talking.
Enjoy the weather.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:57 am

Trust me to be so optimistic in my last posts. Turn for the worst now. My brother has soiled himself 3 times since last night. Could be the voltarol pessaries have stimulated his bowel or it could be that he has become incontinent. Whatever, he is mortified. His partner is a former DN so she is not squeemish - he however, is having his dignity removed. She doesn't want him to go to a hospice but is so worried that because of her health she will not be able to cope. So much for lovely times in the garden - he doesn't want to be bothered with anything, just sleeps.

ali40
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:58 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby ali40 » Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:53 am

Hi, so sorry to read your last post, I wanted mum to stay at home she wanted to go to the hospice. She made the right decision as much as we would have done our best they are the experts and we were all so grateful she was there the care and compassion she was given was second to none.

As one of the nurses said to us you can enjoy the time with your mum now instead of the worry of being a carer to her and they were right.

The bed in the garden sounds wonderful, but mum only wanted to stay in bed and doze off as she got worse. I hope this is just a bad day as we had ups and downs.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you and the rest of your family.
Take care
Alison. x

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Fri Jul 27, 2012 2:49 pm

Thanks Alison, all the replies are both comforting, informative and I feel less alone -which of course I am not!

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Fri Jul 27, 2012 8:47 pm

Just spoke to my brother. his leg/hip is really hurting, they have upped his morphine by 25mg so now on 100mg patches. I think this will make him sleep even more. I wish he would stop telling me how grateful he is. Just shows me how awfully dependent he is becoming and how awful that must make him feel, especially to his flighty, airy fairy little sister (I'm not, but that is how he has always perceived me).
still not a day goes by when he doesn't vomit at least once but usually far more.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:15 am

Sorry that last sentence of the last post looks very odd. What I meant was he is still vomiting daily. I think that is probably worse than the pain for him.

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:14 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby Ella50 » Sat Jul 28, 2012 10:01 am

So sorry to read your post hun.. afraid I cant offer any advice on the sickness. though I did find my mam slept a little more when her medication got increased, but only temporary.
If ever hospice is an option I will second everything Alison has said. My mam perked up once there !! I think she felt safer. Im sure your brother can still spend time in the garden, my mams bed overlooked a lovely garden and as the nurses will say, she could have spent as much time as she had liked in it. it was a real home from home. Keep in mind there may be a waiting list for a bed.
..a big comfort you must be to your brother knowing he has such a loving sister, just take one day at a time And how things can change for the better just as quickly....
Sending you a big HUG
Love Ella xx