A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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ucyocho
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2012 1:42 pm

FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby ucyocho » Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:21 pm

Its been 4 long weeks and I am only now beginning to realise she is gone. I still feel stunned at the swiftness and no opportunity to fight.

On the 14th November it would have been my parents 43rd wedding anniversary which the hospice Dr said she would definitely make. This disease is so sneaky even the specialists don't know how it will play out.

Once we are passed Wednesday then it is on to Christmas which will be heartbreaking as she was so looking forward to spending that first Christmas where her grandchildren would get excited about their presents and be fully aware of an occasion.

They keep saying Granny has had to go away hasn't she mummy at the oddest times and I just break down and cry.

Its so very sad to see new people coming on here too with the same story. Heartbreaking.

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:14 pm

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby Ella50 » Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:18 am

Hi there hun
As I posted on your last post.. I lost my mam in July from this awful disease.. and Im still in shock.. how fast..

September was my parents 43rd anniversary too.. my heart broke for my dad..

I am so lucky to have so many wonderful memories xx Im sure you too.. talk about them all the time.. even through tears..
No-one can tell you how to feel and there is no time limit on grief..

Take one hour, one day, at a time..

Im in this nightmare too, and as you said, xmas soon..
My young nephew mentions his amazing nan alot.. and it is heartbreaking.. keep telling them how great she was..

Keep moving forward, (I guess). You're not alone..

Ella xx

louiepc
Posts: 238
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:38 pm

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby louiepc » Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:40 pm

Hi

It is so difficult. I am in the run up to the first anniversary of mum passing. She went 30 December 2011. Within the first two months of mum going, we had my daughter's birthday and Mum's birthday.

You are still feeling so raw, and the disbelief is absolultely normal, there are even times now, 10 months on, that I can't believe that she has gone, I still think about picking up the phone and having a chat. Nearly broke down in tears in Asda the other day, I saw a cake that she always got when we were kids as a special treat,I could even recall the conversations around having this cake. In a way I suppose as hurtful remember these things are, they are also quite wonderful, as no-one can ever take your memories away.

I remember panicking that I couldn't remember her voice, details of her face, etc, but it does come back, it's probably your brains way of survival and only allows you to see certain things when it knows you can deal with it.

I am dreading New Year, in fact so much so, if I had the money I would go somewhere so remote and isolate my little family, so we can't hear any fireworks or drunk "happy new years", sadly we can't go away, but we are not going out anywhere, I couldn't cope with it.

Christmas will be hard for us, but I have the glorious memory of mum, sitting up in her bed, determined to make Christmas and saying to me as I came in her room on christmas morning, "I've done it! I've shown those doctors!", the following day she went down hill, and two days after Christmas she was unconcious. For me Christmas ends on 29 December, for some reason I made the decision to take all the decs down on this day and then in the early hours of 30 Dec, she slipped away. That is now set in stone, I cannot associate Christmas with mum dying, she loved it, and I will carry on that tradition, as hard as it will be, I'm doing it for mum and my children.

Take care, if things get too much, it may be an idea to think about counselling, I started in March/April, it has really helped getting things in perspective, and understanding why I was doing/thinking the way I was.

Lots of love for tomorrow. Maybe an idea to send some balloons to mum, we did that for her birthday, the kids and my dad found it very helpful.

louie xxx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby DRAD3 » Tue Nov 13, 2012 7:26 pm

Hi all - we are all sat in the same awful boat aren't we?
I "celebrated" our wedding anniversary (19 years) yesterday - sat alone in my car, looking out onto lovely lakes that Gary used to fish. Left some roses there - his ashes aren't there or anything so don't know why I did it really but we had some lovely days there and I sat and cried as I remembered them - I could almost see him stood there but I did feel very alone at the same time. Last Christmas was bitter-sweet because he knew it would be his last one and New Year was awful - I remember hanging up the new calendar, knowing that the year ahead was going to be the worst one ever - no sense of hope, just absolute dread and fear.
I've got to keep positive though and keep smiling because my daughter is relying on me - she is the reason I get out of bed each day and keep going and I am so thankful for that.
Thinking of you all - a difficult time of year ahead where loss becomes all the more obvious.
So thankful to have friends here though.
lots of love
Deb
x

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:14 pm

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby Ella50 » Wed Nov 14, 2012 9:55 am

Your posts do help, thnks..
Louie counselling sounds like it could be an option, I will look into it.. glad it's helped you..
I do feel privaliged to have had so many amazing christmas' with my mam.. and like you say you cant take those wonderful memories away xx
My daughter is 24, my mother was like her second mam.. and my young nephew.. they both doted on her, and they were my mams world..
We are a very close family.. I have one sister and an amazing Dad.. We've booked xmas lunch out this year.. it will break the day up.. and hope to make many more memories with my dad.. got to think positive..
My mams resting place Ive mad into a little garden, so peaceful..But I still cant beleve Im saying this..!!!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.. It does help that you're not alone..
We've all booked an easter cruise together too, with our partners and my dad, all of us and my aunty is coming too.. something to look forward too.. Its as if we all need to keep focusing on something to help, and we are all pulling together..
Keep moving forward...... (I guess)
Thinking of you on anniversary too 'U'..

Ella xx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby DRAD3 » Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:41 pm

You are right - to look ahead, book holidays and treats, to make sure there are things to look forward to keep you going. Our loved ones would be absolutely livid with us if we were sitting feeling sorry for ourselves and not living our lives and enjoying it - it is too precious to waste. Here's to adding to our already lovely memories with new ones that are richer because of our loved ones.
love to all
Deb
x

susikus
Posts: 188
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 10:01 am

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby susikus » Wed Nov 14, 2012 8:04 pm

It is three weeks today since Pete died and today I caught myself laughing at something and then feeling awful for laughing. But in truth he would rather see me laughing than crying. I think it's going to be a long time until I feel any sense of 'normal'. We just have to keep going, one day at a time. Hugs to you all, love Sue xxx

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:14 pm

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby Ella50 » Thu Nov 15, 2012 7:13 pm

You're so right Deb and Sue.. Our loved ones wouldn't want us to always be so sad. What you said made me stop and think.. and I know my mam would want me to be happy, bless.. she's giving me amazing memories to work from, with my own daughter and my dad- and we're all going to try and keep her wonderful traditions going.. what an amazing platform Ive had.
Although we know things will never be the same.. we must keep going for them. And remember they're always with us.
Sue, you must have a trillion wonderful memories.. eventually I know you'll be laughing freely at them all.. and they'll be giving you so much comfort too..
As hard as it is, we must keep putting one step forward.. and as you said setting things to look forward to..
Taking one day at a time..

With thanks and big hugs

Ella xx

ali
Posts: 90
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:22 am

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby ali » Sat Nov 24, 2012 4:32 pm

It certainly is so hard to move forward,but ther is nothing else for it
I lost my mum in June 2011,but still have a lot of "difficult " days or moments
Also have had good times and great memories which make us laugh and cry
I know she would not want us to be moping about,but some days that is what is reqd.
Feel sad this week as 22nd was 7 years since my dad died- so feel alone,even though I have great husband and family
Thinking of everyone here
Have been looking on boards but not posting over last six months
Every story is so sad and some so similar
Love
Helen
X

Tenacity
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2013 8:54 am

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby Tenacity » Tue Mar 26, 2013 10:18 pm

Yesterday was my husband's funeral.
We were told on 8th February he had 2 weeks to two months to live. He died on 12th March.
We all need to work towards early diagnosis of this dreadful disease. My husband spent 5 hours in A&E on 29th December. He explained how ill he was, what pain he was experiencing, yet they told him it was only constipation. When I feel stronger, I will post more. We must all work together.

PCUK Nurse Dianne
Posts: 265
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:29 pm

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby PCUK Nurse Dianne » Wed Mar 27, 2013 1:21 pm

Dear Tenacity,

I am sorry to read your thread on the forum. I am sorry to read of your husband's passing, and the difficult time you have endured. Please accept our sincere condolences on behalf of the Charity and the support team at this sad and difficult time.

I am sure you will receive much love and support from this great 'forum family' over the coming days. I will email you independantly in the hope that we may be able to support you further at this time.

Kind regards,

Dianne
Support Team

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: FIRST MILESTONE- MY PARENTS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Postby DRAD3 » Wed Mar 27, 2013 7:28 pm

Dear Tenacity
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You must be devastated at the speed that this happened and you are right, something does need to be done to change things. You will understandably need time to come to terms with what has happened but know that we are here for you whenever you need us. Take care of yourself. Sending you lots of love.
Deb
xc