A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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NICOLA
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:09 pm

Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby NICOLA » Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:38 am

It will be 2 weeks on Sat when I lost my wonderful mam....Im really finding it so hard that Im never going to see her again. I am catholic and really do believe in life after death. I thought that when mam died I would feel her around me, some people have said give it time, some people have said believe whatever helps you. I know its early days and I should give myself time and accept that she's gone but Im desperatly looking for a sign or something from her to know she's there. Should I see a spiritualist ???
If anyone has had a sign from their loved one I would love to hear your story.
Nicola

francis
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:19 pm

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby francis » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:46 am

Hi Nicola, I remember when my brother died I dreamt he was sat on his bed talking to me, he told me that he was sorry (he took his own life). I am catholic like you and do believe that there is life after death but not sure in what form. I don't believe in ghosts, but when he was talking to me It was him, it was real, he came to me in a dream to tell me he was sorry that he couldn't cope any longer. I felt his sadness. This happened not long after he died and Ive not heard from him since and have never felt him around me either before I saw him or after.
I believe he is now at peace and won't hear from him until we meet again. If you haven't hear from your mam maybe it is because she is at peace.
Of course you miss her and it's hard to know you will never see her again on this earth she is your mam, I don't know what I'm going to do without mine. I think like everyone else with a loved one on here we all put our feelings on hold, suppressing them I suppose. All I know is that you will miss her because she was your mam and no one loves us like our mothers. It's early days be kind to yourself your mam would want you to. xxxxx

NICOLA
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:09 pm

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby NICOLA » Fri Aug 24, 2012 11:33 am

Thank you Francis, I have heard about loved ones coming to you in dreams, my friend lost her mum and it was over a year later when she came to her in a dream, she said she looked beautiful and when she opened her eyes she saw her at the end of her bed for a few seconds.
Stories like that of your brother really give me hope. Take care and give your mum a big hug. I used to kiss my mam everytime I left her and say I loved her, but what I would give for that one last hug. XXStaying Stong, NicolaXX

rachelqt
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:18 am

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby rachelqt » Fri Aug 24, 2012 4:33 pm

Hi Nicola,
Such a sad time for you, I worry about it all the time for when my Dad will loose his battle with this dreadful disease.
My best friend lost her dad to cancer 3 weeks ago and is finding it very hard to deal with at the minute.
She told me that she wakes everynight as her dads deaths was not easy for him and seems to haunt her. So she woke a few nights back and she said she had a strong feeling that her dad was at her bed and holding her hand, she tried to move her had but couldn't, she was wide awake and could move her other hand. That morning would have been her dads birthday.

I too believe in life after death, I have lost a few close people to me but have never felt anything. I do believe some people are more susceptible to it than others. I went to a spirit medium before, something inside me told me it was not the right thing too do, (my friend had talked me into it). Everybody in the group got a reading form a loved one except me. The medium told me that there was a spirit there for me waving but had no message as they felt I was happy enough in life and did not need one?
When I got home I understood this as I feel if I did get a message from a loved one I think I might have been frightened. Suppose thats just me!

Thinking of you Nicola, all you can to is take one day at a time.
Much Love Rachel. x

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby DRAD3 » Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:01 pm

Hi Nicola
I know how you feel. I lay awake every night waiting for a sign, a feeling, a sense that Gary is there. I have seen and felt nothing. I have also thought about visiting a medium but am not sure that will give me the answers I am looking for. What I really want is him back and no-one can do that can they? My daughter is 13 and she says she senses a ghost in the house and she gets a little scared so I just try not to make a bit deal of it and say that her Dad is just keeping an eye on us and not to be scared. I'm not sure whether there is anything in it or it is just her fear of everything caused by a traumatic year. I am hoping that things will just get easier as time goes on. I am still feeling OK one day, feeling optimistic, then the next this black cloud descends and memories of those final hours flood back and knock me sick. I just try and keep busy and distract myself as I am so worried if I allow it, I could sink very fast and won't be able to get myself back up.
I, along with some friends, are having a charity tea party on Sunday to raise money for PCUK and doing things like that help too. It is so nice to do something helpful after feeling so utterly helpless for so long.
I hope you can find some peace Nicola - I truly understand how you feel.
Lots of love
Deb

laura
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 12:53 pm

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby laura » Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:02 pm

hi nicola. deb and rachel

sorry to know how desolate you both [nicola/deb ]feel, it really is so very natural, you have both gone thru such traumatic times, and facing the future without your loved ones, i dont know anyone who in a similar situation would be any differant.
be kind to yourselves, allow yourself time to grieve, do whatever it takes to help you adjust, but PLEASE, dont rush into parting with money for a promise of a "meeting/message" from your loved ones, i dont know either of you, im 72 and it would worry me if my daughter spent money hoping i would "come thru" to her, she knows i love her, and she loves me, what else really matters,? however though, you gotta do what you gotta do i guess,
your loved ones are out of pain, you both did all, and more, that you could for them, i hope you both soon feel more peaceful, you can probably tell im a bit of an atheist!!!!!
but i send you both my love and hugs.
rachel, so glad to read that dad has put on weight that really is a good indicator of his health, guess hes home now?, honny please try not to spend a lot of time worrying about the future, and dad, nothing we can change, but plenty of things to enjoy together. i do understand where you are coming from, but so pleased hes doing well, my love to you and your family, take care. love n hugs laura xxx

louiepc
Posts: 238
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:38 pm

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby louiepc » Sat Aug 25, 2012 8:19 am

Hi Nicola

It is such an awful time that you are going through, at the moment everything will probably feel so dark and bleak, and that you cannot imagine what your life is going to be like or even that you will laugh or smile again.

It is nearly 8 months since my beautiful mum passed. I remember posting something very similar to you. I think it is all part of the process when you lose someone so dear to you.

I remember getting so angry that mum didn't visit me in dreams or I didn't feel her around me. I had my first dream with mum in, probably about 5 months after she died, lovely dreams where in each one I would ask if she is ok and she would reply she's really happy and well. One particular dream I had, was chatting to her on the phone and she said that she will be seeing me in a few weeks. A few weeks later having completely forgotten about this dream, I went to a bookcase that is hardly used, to get some book and a photo of my mum fell out into my hand. I can't remember putting this picture there and it is one of her on her wedding day. I believe this is her coming to visit me.

I have now accepted Mum has gone, I know when it's my time to go I will see her. I miss her incredibly and there are still times when I get angry or upset for no particular reason. I think having accepted has made me calm a bit and I feel happy talking about mum, I don't burst into tears when I talk about her, in fact I can laugh or even think oh yeah Mum did this or that, with a smile. I feel her around me now and sometimes get these random thoughts of something she would have said.

Take care hunny, it is very early days, take each day as it comes, good or bad, don't beat yourself up if you have a good day. You will have a rollercoaster of emotions, that will probably not make sense to you. Just roll with it. I have been seeing a counsellor, it has really helped me understand why I was doing things that I was doing.

For instance, I used to go to bed so late, so that I was absolutely shattered, just so that I didn't lie in bed thinking. I think in the first few months I existed on a few hrs sleep a night.

I'm not saying that it gets easier, it's just that you understand more, and accept what has happened.

Lots of love.

louie. xxx

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:14 pm

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby Ella50 » Sat Aug 25, 2012 6:47 pm

Hi all,
Its just over 6 weeks since I lost my beautiful mam. I still cant believe that she has gone.
Her stone was ready last weekend and we had a service on Monday for her, to bury her ashes.. it has set me back alot.. tho is nice I now have somewhere to go.
I feel im getting worse as the weeks go on, the loss is a physical pain. I never stop chatting away to her wherever I am.. if people saw me they would think Im mad.
I keep meaning to reply to posts on here and find myself in tears. It helps to read everyones posts, you realise your not alone or going mad, all so simular & is comforting.

I went into the kitchen a few days after she passed, and found a pure white feather, in the middle of the floor.. my partner was in there a few minutes before me and didnt see anything. I treasure it, I know she is saying she is ok.
I know one day we will be together again.. all of us, as a family.
Take care & Love to all
xxx

Viv
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2014 5:05 pm

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby Viv » Sat Sep 06, 2014 9:13 am

I think its a terrible shame that the church does not share more information about death and the afterlife.
I am not a spiritualist but sometimes God has sent the newly passed to speak to me.
There is an afterlife and the spirits of those passed are 'ghosts' for want of a better word.
My beloved son died of PC in 2010 aged 34. To say this broke my heart is an understatement. I was with him when he passed and felt a huge peace in the room. I knew this was Christ's peace and he had taken my son.
My son's lucky number was 7. He had this on his email address and car reg. 7 months and 7 days after he died he visited me and I sensed him. I screamed out to him in shock and he went.
Since then he has visited me a few times. Once bringing a scent of flowers. He communicates by thought transfer and his visits are brief lasting seconds. He has given me information and also told me about the afterlife. He came the other day and said his dad's golf game was 'crap'. My husband came home that day from his golf and said the game was bad! It was funny.
Since my son has been in communication I have found some peace knowing he is waiting for me and the family and has a house ready in heaven for all of us.
The minister at my church died last year and he spoke to me after he had passed.
His message is relevant to all of us.
He said "Never fear passing,it is WONDERFUL,MARVELLOUS. He missed nothing of the earth except his wife and family.
He told me when asked he had seen Jesus who was pleased with his work.
If you sit quietly and pray you will sense your loved one I'm sure. They may have passed but they are more aware and alive than we are.
Pancreatic cancer is a cruel and evil disease. The late diagnosis of most victims does not give sufferers a chance.
In spite of this know that God cares for each person that passes and they do indeed go to a better place.

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Missing Mam so much - Mam's Spirit

Postby Didge » Sat Sep 06, 2014 10:58 am

I have never been very 'receptive' in this respect but several weeks after my husband died I got really angry and said to him that I had never agreed to any of this and that I wanted him back. Now. And then the rant was over and I didn't expect anything to come of it but that night I had the strangest dream which was not like any other dream before or after. It lasted the whole night and did not chop and change like normal dreams. He took my hand and we just walked the whole night, down by the sea, and were just together for hours and hours. Nothing happened in the dream, neither of us spoke, we were just walking hand in hand for hours. It was wonderful. My daughter, who was too young to remember her father, does seem to be more receptive and says she has asked him to come to her and has felt his physical presence and even seen the pillow depress! When she was 7 she moved into a new bedroom on a different floor to her siblings and I wasn't sure if she'd be ok but she said she wasn't alone because of the white lady! I was shocked and asked her which white lady and she replied 'the white lady who stands at the end of my bed every night'!!! But one thing I have always said to people who have lost someone when they say 'I have to keep telling myself they have gone' is 'why? If you feel them around you then talk to them'. It's a very individual thing but I do think you must go with the flow, talk to them when you feel they are near but never expect anything by way of a sign. My grandfather was a spiritualist and always said he would send us a sign and we had nothing! I don't have any firm beliefs either way but I don't think it really matters what is true and what isn't - if you find comfort from it, that is good. And if you want to try a spiritualist there are services where you don't have to pay money. I was never keen on that but my sister-in-law persuaded me to go and we got nothing, which actually reassured me!