A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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Guram
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:21 pm

Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Guram » Wed Apr 06, 2016 8:49 pm

Hello everyone

Its my first post here. Hard to word my story but last week Tuesday I burried my lovely mother. I find it difficult to cope with the loss. She was fighting with pancreatic cancer for the last 9 months. Specialist nurses Jeni and Dianne were really very helpful for me and my mother in difficult times. But now I need help, I struggle a lot. No peace in my mind. I need some kind of support. I believe bereavement councelling might help. Is there any available support? Would it cost money? Please advise me.

Thanks to all,
Guram

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Linda G » Wed Apr 06, 2016 8:58 pm

Hello Guram, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband six weeks ago to PC after 8 months fighting. It is a horrendous disease and the entire fight left me emotionally and physically drained. Do you have friends and family around you? I am still struggling with the effects of the whole journey. I cry every day and sometimes feel physically ill. Be assured that what you are feeling is normal. I too have thought about counselling. My husband's MacMillan nurse left me a contact number for the hospice counselling service. Do you have a hospice near you? If so contact them for advice. I believe this is a free service. Its so very hard isn't it? My thoughts are with you and anyone else in our situation.
Take care
Linda G
XXX

Fifi

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Fifi » Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:10 pm

Hi Guram,

So very sorry to read the loss of your lovely Mum.

It is very very early days for you. You are only just starting the grieving process. I don't think anyone losing a loved one to this cancer can expect to have peace of mind so very early on.

I lost my wonderful Dad nearly a year ago now. I knew I would never forget anything I saw or heard, and I won't.

After 6 months of grieving, constant flashbacks, I contacted the Cruse helpline. They gave me the local number, I called them and I was put on the waiting list. That was October, someone called me in February, and I have my final session this coming Saturday. You get 6 sessions initially, but you can have more. I would give the number for you, but it will probably get removed for any reason. Just google Cruse helpline. The sessions are free as it is a charity.

I feel they help me as all I want to do is talk about Dad. They allow me to without judgement, and without being fed up of hearing about it.

I do think it is very early for you though, and you can't possibly be expected to put eveything to another place in your mind.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. each persons grief os so very individual.

Good luck, and please, allow yourself to grieve. I'm not sure if there is a length of time after someone has passed away, before you can seek help. I'm not trying to discourage you, I just think it is so early.

Good luck, and please post here if you think it might help to tell your Mum's story.

Leila xx

Guram
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:21 pm

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Guram » Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:11 pm

Thank you Linda for the reply

Yes, I got family, lovely wife who were very supportive to me through out them
Difficult 9 months. My mother's illness efected to her as well as to whole my family including my 15 years son.

I would like to get some counselling service if possible and I will try to contact the hospice near by.

I'm sorry for your loss Linda. I have no words, I don't even know what to say to support you.
Thank you Linda for your swift reply to my post.
Take care.

Guram
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:21 pm

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Guram » Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:31 pm

Thank you Leila for your reply

I have lots to tell you all about my mother and her illness but at the moment I'm not able to word them to you. I went through really difficult stages. My mother leaved in other country where is no NHS. I had to deal with all sort of problems there... Only recently I have realise how much responsibility I took back then and how many things I was carrying for my lovely mother to help her but at the end? My mother lost her fight with the cancer. So sad...

I will try to make phone calls tomorrow as you have suggested.
Thank you and
please accept my condolences.
Take care.

Fifi

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Fifi » Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:44 pm

Hi Guram,

That must have been very difficult for you. I think it is bad enough to deal with the illness and responsibilities of basically, trying to keep our loved ones alive, with the medical professionals being a harder task.

I am so pleased you have such a good supportive family. That is definitely something to treasure. I didn't think talking to a stranger would help me, but Cruse counsellors have all lost someone so they all know how you are feeling. It just can be a long waiting list.

I know I don't know you or your Mum, but your Mum will know how much you love her and how much you helped her, I promise you that.

I hope you get through to Cruse, or the hospice as Linda suggested.

Leila xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Linda G » Wed Apr 06, 2016 10:13 pm

Hello again Guram, you are welcome. You will find a lot of advice and support on here as everyone is suffering from this dreadful disease in some way or another.
Fifi is very experienced and she is right when she says it is very early in your grieving process. I imagine everyone is different and need different kinds of support at different times. I don't think there is such a waiting time for hospice counselling as for Cruse counselling so you may be able to talk to someone sooner . Share your grieving with your loved ones as you can support each other. I know you may think you are making their grief worse but you will be helping them as well by allowing them to express their own grief. Everyone's mother is a special person in their lives and their passing has a huge impact on your life. Take your time, take each day as it comes and let your grief and sorrow out in any way you can.

Take care of yourself and your lovely wife and son. With love you will get through this,
Linda G

Guram
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:21 pm

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Guram » Wed Apr 06, 2016 10:23 pm

Thank you...

Proud Wife
Posts: 733
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Proud Wife » Thu Apr 07, 2016 5:24 pm

Hello Guram

Welcome to this forum.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss, sincerest condolences to you and your family.

Best wishes
PW

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Bereavement cauncelling advice needed

Postby Linda G » Mon Apr 18, 2016 1:46 pm

Hi Guram, I was just wondering how you are? Did you arrange to see a counsellor? if so was it any help?
Regards
Linda G