A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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Proud Wife
Posts: 729
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Proud Wife » Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:28 pm

Hi Linda

That's really positive!! Of course you are going to be struggling with your emotions but brilliant news that you feel a little better. I think you just have to do whatever that gives you comfort.

I would love to know which football club Stewart supported and where his ashes can be buried. How lovely of the stadium, I'm going to hazard a guess and say Man Utd? I see no reason why you can't say on here which team, as it doesn't confirm where you live - my son and hubby are crazy about football and have been watching all televised matches this weekend. Never heard of the brick in the wall either but can think of no better way for a footie fan to be remembered.

We are both okay-ish at the moment thank you. My GP has told me how to up my anti depressants if I need to which should help the tears. I suppose what we are going through currently must bring a lot of not so good memories back to you?

Just about to go and make him a roll which will be his first solid food today. xxx

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:48 pm

Hi Linda,

How really lovely of his friends to do that, he must have been well loved by a lot of people.

It is very comforting, i adore the charm, I have had it made in white, and you can see the ashes inside it. Feel paranoid to wear it, especially if I am walking somewhere.

I got it made from Chris Parry Jewellery. He makes anything. If you have an idea of something, he can make it to how you want. He has made some very special jewellery containing ashes.

Leila xx

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:52 pm

If you are interested.

http://www.chris-parry.co.uk/web2/?page_id=16393

Leila xx

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Didge » Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:57 pm

Sorry for late reply Linda. Yes, the dream did bring a lot of comfort and although I have had dreams about him many times since, I never had one like that again. But I did feel that he answered my call and when thing became intolerable he was there. And yes, I too would like to know which football club!
Didge xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:01 pm

Thanks Leila, I would be terrified in case I lost it. I will have a look at the website though. I have an appointment with the hospital matron on Tuesday to discuss some issues surrounding Stewart's care when he was in there before I had him transferred to the hospice. I will not rest until I have told her what was wrong, it plays on my mind all the time. I might feel better if I get it off my chest. You are so right to encourage people to push and push for urgent appointments and care. You are right when you say patients are just a number to admin staff. Many times I phoned the consultant and the sp nurses myself to push things through and it is so stressful. Take care.
xxxxx
Linda G

boa
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby boa » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:07 pm

Hi Linda, I hope your appointment with the Matron goes well. I think you will feel much better when you have explained what is troubling you. Catherine

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:07 pm

Hi Didge, how are you. I'm glad your dream was a comfort, mine was too. I had another one a couple of nights after that when I felt he was lying in bed beside me and I felt the weight of his arm over me. It seemed as if he was right there beside me. I have had no more since but hope I do. The football team is Sunderland AFC!!!! hanging on by our fingernails at the minute. Stewart would have been delighted with the 3- 0 win yesterday. I just hope we manage to stay up.
xxxxx
Linda G

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:15 pm

Hi Catherine, how are you? Thanks. I hope it helps. I just feel there are some simple things that could improve the care of someone else in Stewart's position. It made him so unhappy when he was fighting so hard. Some of the care was lacking, to say the least. It made a very difficult situation so much harder than it needed to be. It broke both of our hearts and spirits. Fortunately the wonderful hospice staff were able to restore some calm and dignity.The hospital could learn a lot from hospice staff.
Take Care
Linda G
XXX

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:23 pm

PW, better than Man U ..... Sunderland AFC. Supported them man and boy. I don't know many men who are not crazy about football (or any other sport for that matter). I so hope they manage to stay up, good win yesterday though. Glad to hear you are both okay-ish. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes how you feel changes from one five minutes to the next doesn't it. I totally feel for you both. My memories of your situation are still very fresh and it take nothing much to evoke them. Hope hubby enjoys his food.
xxxx

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:32 pm

Hi Linda,

Sorry to read yet someone else didn't have the care they deserved. Be strong when you go, hold yourself together untill you get home. She will obviously try to defend the said people. I really hope Stewart's lack of care didn't cause too much pain for him ( sorry, didn't know how to word that, but sure you know what I mean ).
What was sad for me was my Dad always had faith and trust in the medical profession. Which he should have done, we all should have that, but it just isn't around anymore. Towards the end, Dad said to me " why don't people care anymore ".

good luck Linda. Will be thinking of you, and Stewart will be with you keeping you strong.

Leila xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:40 pm

Hi Fifi, I just had a look on the website. There are some beautiful things. I love the star rings. It's not something I thought about before but I am certainly thinking about it now. Thanks
Linda G
XXX

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:47 pm

Hi again, it caused considerable emotional distress , which is probably worse. Like your Dad Stewart had faith in the medical and nursing staff, but he was let down at the end when he needed the most care and support. I know thing have changed massively in the NHS. I was a registered nurse years ago and "caring" was an integral part of nursing. I went on to be a midwife for 35 years and I would like to think I maintained that caring throughout my career.
I will let you know how I get on.
xxx

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:49 pm

Yes, those star rings are very beautiful.

He presents them very respectfully as well. He will also send back the ashes he doesn't use. I wouldn't recommend anyone that I thought was disrespectful in any way. it's too important.

Leila xx

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:58 pm

I really am sorry Linda. I don't know how people get jobs, it isn't just a standard job, you have to have care. Without care you shouldn't do it.

You read people's threads on here, Pete's for example, I think he feels he shouldn't be bothering with them, and to wait for them to contact him. I also strongly believe that patients should not be chasing, that someone else should do it for them. My Dad would have been more distraught if he had the conversations I did with people. Sometimes I had to really sob, and plead with people. We had a month wait for an appointment with the Gastrointerologist, I called the secretary and said Dad had stage 4 pamcreatic cancer, and he just didn't have a month to wait, he got an appointment 2 days later.

They need to acknowledge what they did you and Stewart and they need to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else ever again.

Leila xx

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Mon Apr 18, 2016 8:13 pm

How did you get on Linda?

Leila xx