A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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Proud Wife
Posts: 727
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: The loss of Mum!

Postby Proud Wife » Sat Apr 09, 2016 3:31 pm

Hi Sue

How are you doing? It's still such early day for you xx

Sueoliver
Posts: 519
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 7:22 pm

Re: The loss of Mum!

Postby Sueoliver » Sun Apr 10, 2016 7:34 pm

Hi PW,
Thankyou for thinking of me. I miss her terribly and still struggle to think of the happy times! I still keep going over everything she went through! I miss seeing her and our chats. To be honest I'm ok on the outside and I get on with my chores, work etc but inside and when I am on my own the sadness is overwhelming! I know it takes time and I know she would want us to get on and enjoy ourselves. She never ever spoke about her illness and death and I struggle with that! I watched her deteriorate but she never mentioned it!
It will get easier I know! I have to go to the crematorium on Tuesday and have her ashes buried with her memorial! Just doesn't seem right!
I hope you are ok and I am thinking of everyone going through this nightmare.
Love Sue xxx

Proud Wife
Posts: 727
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: The loss of Mum!

Postby Proud Wife » Mon Apr 11, 2016 9:28 am

Of course you do Sue, as I said before, it's still such early days for you. Try not to be too tough on yourself. You have to ask yourself, if your Mum had of talked about her illness and the subject of death, would it have helped? There is no right answer, it could go either way. You would then have had the pain and memories of what your mum said.

I struggle to remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday but a couple of things stick in my mind. One was the night the surgeon called us after operating on my dad to say that they'd opened him up, the cancer was too far spread and they couldn't do anything more for him. I immediately asked him not to tell my dad, that was my first reaction because you want to spare your loved one's the pain of something that cannot be changed. Of course he couldn't do that but the point I just try to make is and my hubby is exactly the same, talking about cancer (which is becoming a forbidden word in our house) doesn't change things or the outcome and from a patient's point of view,it only reinforces what is inevitable, so why talk about it?

Hope this helps a litte?

Take care and let us know how Tuesday goes, if you feel up to it xxx

Thinking of you tomorrow xxx

Sueoliver
Posts: 519
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 7:22 pm

Re: The loss of Mum!

Postby Sueoliver » Mon Apr 25, 2016 3:53 pm

Well it has been 3 months since Mum died and in the last few weeks I have felt so unsettled! I literally want to change everything! I want to move house, I would like a puppy and most of all I want to remember the happy times! Sometimes I would even like a new husband!!
I went to Cyprus for a week and that was ok but as soon as the plane touched down at Gatwick I felt sad again!
My youngest daughter moved out at the weekend as well! I feel a bit lost!
I just wanted to write it down as I know you all understand.
Love to everyone,
Sue xxx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 1:06 pm

Re: The loss of Mum!

Postby Linda G » Mon Apr 25, 2016 8:00 pm

Hi Sue, I know exactly how you feel. Its nine weeks and one day since my husband died and I understand the unsettled feeling perfectly. Its as if you need to change things to be able to accept what has happened. I find it really hard to do the simple things Stewart and I used to do together because it hurts! Simple things like cooking the meals we both enjoyed - can't do that anymore as it makes me cry, listening to our favourite music - makes me cry so I listen to other stuff. Watching things on TV that we used to watch together- makes me so sad. I hate how life has to change without them. I miss our conversations and companionable silences. I live alone now and always feel lost. And like you I want to remember the happy times. I think the nature of PC makes the bad memories so bad its hard to get past them. I hope you were able to relax a bit on holiday. It does help to write things down doesn't it. Thinking of you. Take care.
Linda G XX